> [!PREMISE] > You can't teach babies to sleep. You can only set up an environment that is conducive to the baby learning how to sleep on their own. If you think about it, no one taught _you_ how to sleep, because how would they instruct you to do such a natural procedure? Set up an environment that has rigid boundaries and powerful cues, and you'll have a sleep trained baby in no time. This guide is meant to help you do just that. # Step 1: Set the Stage This can happen at any point, from birth to 4 months. Set up a consistent bedtime routine for your baby. Decide on a series of things that you will do every night with your baby (songs, books, bath, lotion, singing, etc). Then, do it every night, in the exact same way, every single time. This is not a call to be robotic or monotone! Have fun ✨ within the structure. The purpose of this is to create cues. Now, your baby knows that it's time to sleep when all these events happen in this particular order. Cause and effect is something your baby now understands at 4 months (and didn't understand before). For the actual going to sleep part, feed your baby as usual but don't let them fall asleep. Put them in the crib drowsy but not fully asleep. This gets them familiar with the feeling of falling asleep in a place that is _not_ your arms. If your baby is younger than 4 months and/or you haven't gotten your pediatrician's blessing, proceed as normal after this. If the baby cries, do your usual rocking/singing/tending. Also, occasionally give a pause before coming in to tend to the baby if you can. Just a few seconds will do at this stage, if you can handle it. # Step 2: Progressive Waiting After you've gotten your pediatrician's blessing and/or the baby is older than 4 months and doesn't have any blatant sleep problems, start with progressive waiting. It's important that you are also feeding the baby enough that they remain full all night. This involves a bit of trial and error. Check this [calculator]([Baby's Milk Intake Calculator (omnicalculator.com)](https://www.omnicalculator.com/health/babys-milk-intake#babys-milk-intake-by-weight)) to see typically how much milk they will need depending on their size. ## Determine your threshold Decide how long you are willing to let the baby cry. There is no way around it. The baby will cry. It's a great job for dad. Mom can wear noise-cancelling headphones if she's activated by hearing the baby cry. Also, know that your baby will not be harmed by crying. No matter how loud or intense it gets. For the sake of this explanation, let's imagine you say that you are not willing to let your baby cry for more than 20 minutes without intervening. ## Do the progression Now, set up your schedule. You can do this in a variety of ways, but here's what I recommend to most parents. After you've put the baby down drowsy, they will probably start to cry for you. Be strong. Wait 5 minutes. This is far below your threshold, so hopefully it isn't too painful. Set a timer. After 5 minutes are up, go into the baby's room, but don't pick them up. Spend about 30-60 seconds in the room telling the baby it's okay, and that you are here. Speak in a calm voice, even if the baby is losing their mind. They won't hear your words but they will feel your calm presence. Then leave. Now, you will wait 10 minutes before returning to do that exact thing. Notice that we added 5 extra minutes to our interval; this is why it is called progressive waiting. After 10 minutes, go back in and do the same as before. Now, you will wait 15 minutes. Same thing. After that, you will wait 20 minutes. That's your threshold. You won't add another 5 minutes after that... keep waiting in 20 minute intervals. Hopefully, you won't need to go through too many cycles before your baby is sound asleep. How long they sleep without waking up depends on many factors including how full they are and also their temperament. If the baby wakes up at, say, 2:30am... do the progressive waiting procedure all over again. You will have some successful nights, hopefully, but you might still have some crying every now and then. Don't give up! Play around with the length and depth of your intervention. What happens if you don't come over to the crib and just stay at the door? What if you speak to the baby through the door without opening it? # Step 3: Cry it out This is the step many people mistakenly think of as Step 1. They assume sleep training is just closing the door and letting the baby cry themselves to sleep. As you can see, it is anything but. Now, though, your baby is trained. But they still may wake up and cry occasionally. If they're sick or have some other circumstances, you may want to tend to them. More often than not though, they wake up because, well... everyone wakes up in the middle of the night. We all go through sleep phases that last about 90 minutes, and at the end of the sleep phase, we are close to a wakeful state (if not actual wakeful). As adults, we sometimes don't remember the moment one sleep cycle ends and the next begins. It's second nature to us. Not so much for babies. This is where Cry it Out comes in. At this point, you know that they can fall asleep on their own without you. You know they have eaten enough to stay full. You are fairly certain there is no reason for you to intervene because they will eventually fall back asleep. So, you let them cry until they are asleep. Or if you want to, you can go back to progressive waiting (but I recommend at least attempting to get through a cycle of Cry it Out). # Things to try If your baby has a hard time falling asleep, try: - White noise (babies love this, it re-creates the volume and type of sound they heard inside the womb) - Blackout shades, as we all feel more wakeful when there is any kind of light in our eyes - Remove any source of light (no nightlights if you can help it) - Make the room cooler.