# The Subtle Art of Not Giving a F*ck  ## Metadata - Author: [[Mark Manson]] - Full Title: The Subtle Art of Not Giving a F*ck - Category: #books ## Highlights - “Dedicated to nobody.” ([Location 214](https://readwise.io/to_kindle?action=open&asin=B019MMUA8S&location=214)) - Bukowski was a loser. He knew it. ([Location 221](https://readwise.io/to_kindle?action=open&asin=B019MMUA8S&location=221)) - comfort with himself ([Location 226](https://readwise.io/to_kindle?action=open&asin=B019MMUA8S&location=226)) - Self-improvement and success often occur together. But that doesn’t necessarily mean they’re the same thing. ([Location 229](https://readwise.io/to_kindle?action=open&asin=B019MMUA8S&location=229)) - no truly happy person feels the need to stand in front of a mirror and recite that she’s happy. She just is. ([Location 242](https://readwise.io/to_kindle?action=open&asin=B019MMUA8S&location=242)) - stop hating yourself for feeling so bad. ([Location 290](https://readwise.io/to_kindle?action=open&asin=B019MMUA8S&location=290)) - Our crisis is no longer material; it’s existential, it’s spiritual. ([Location 296](https://readwise.io/to_kindle?action=open&asin=B019MMUA8S&location=296)) - The desire for more positive experience is itself a negative experience. And, paradoxically, the acceptance of one’s negative experience is itself a positive experience. ([Location 302](https://readwise.io/to_kindle?action=open&asin=B019MMUA8S&location=302)) - Ever notice that sometimes when you care less about something, you do better at it? ([Location 320](https://readwise.io/to_kindle?action=open&asin=B019MMUA8S&location=320)) - pursuing the negative generates the positive. ([Location 325](https://readwise.io/to_kindle?action=open&asin=B019MMUA8S&location=325)) - Being open with your insecurities paradoxically makes you more confident and charismatic around others. ([Location 326](https://readwise.io/to_kindle?action=open&asin=B019MMUA8S&location=326)) - Everything worthwhile in life is won through surmounting the associated negative experience. ([Location 329](https://readwise.io/to_kindle?action=open&asin=B019MMUA8S&location=329)) - The avoidance of suffering is a form of suffering. ([Location 330](https://readwise.io/to_kindle?action=open&asin=B019MMUA8S&location=330)) - To not give a fuck is to stare down life’s most terrifying and difficult challenges and still take action. ([Location 343](https://readwise.io/to_kindle?action=open&asin=B019MMUA8S&location=343)) - you will regularly fail. ([Location 357](https://readwise.io/to_kindle?action=open&asin=B019MMUA8S&location=357)) - being comfortable with being different. ([Location 371](https://readwise.io/to_kindle?action=open&asin=B019MMUA8S&location=371)) - doesn’t care about adversity in the face of his goals, ([Location 389](https://readwise.io/to_kindle?action=open&asin=B019MMUA8S&location=389)) - the willingness to be different, ([Location 392](https://readwise.io/to_kindle?action=open&asin=B019MMUA8S&location=392)) - they reserve their fucks for only the big things that matter, ([Location 397](https://readwise.io/to_kindle?action=open&asin=B019MMUA8S&location=397)) - find the shit you enjoy dealing with. ([Location 403](https://readwise.io/to_kindle?action=open&asin=B019MMUA8S&location=403)) - first give a fuck about something more important ([Location 404](https://readwise.io/to_kindle?action=open&asin=B019MMUA8S&location=404)) - If you find yourself consistently giving too many fucks about trivial shit that bothers you—your ([Location 416](https://readwise.io/to_kindle?action=open&asin=B019MMUA8S&location=416)) - finding something important and meaningful in your life is perhaps the most productive use of your time and energy. ([Location 422](https://readwise.io/to_kindle?action=open&asin=B019MMUA8S&location=422)) - you are always choosing what to give a fuck about. ([Location 425](https://readwise.io/to_kindle?action=open&asin=B019MMUA8S&location=425)) - We know who we are and we accept ourselves, ([Location 439](https://readwise.io/to_kindle?action=open&asin=B019MMUA8S&location=439)) - We no longer need to give a fuck about everything. ([Location 440](https://readwise.io/to_kindle?action=open&asin=B019MMUA8S&location=440)) - choosing what is important and what is not. ([Location 454](https://readwise.io/to_kindle?action=open&asin=B019MMUA8S&location=454)) - this book will turn your pain into a tool, your trauma into power, and your problems into slightly better problems. ([Location 463](https://readwise.io/to_kindle?action=open&asin=B019MMUA8S&location=463)) - take inventory of your life and scrub out all but the most important items. ([Location 467](https://readwise.io/to_kindle?action=open&asin=B019MMUA8S&location=467)) - this life of suffering wasn’t all that it was cracked up to be. ([Location 493](https://readwise.io/to_kindle?action=open&asin=B019MMUA8S&location=493)) - As with being rich, there is no value in suffering when it’s done without purpose. ([Location 496](https://readwise.io/to_kindle?action=open&asin=B019MMUA8S&location=496)) - life itself is a form of suffering. ([Location 502](https://readwise.io/to_kindle?action=open&asin=B019MMUA8S&location=502)) - Happiness is not a solvable equation. ([Location 513](https://readwise.io/to_kindle?action=open&asin=B019MMUA8S&location=513)) - the greatest truths in life are usually the most unpleasant to hear. ([Location 524](https://readwise.io/to_kindle?action=open&asin=B019MMUA8S&location=524)) - suffering is biologically useful. ([Location 529](https://readwise.io/to_kindle?action=open&asin=B019MMUA8S&location=529)) - our own pain and misery aren’t a bug of human evolution; they’re a feature. ([Location 533](https://readwise.io/to_kindle?action=open&asin=B019MMUA8S&location=533)) - pain, as much as we hate it, is useful. ([Location 541](https://readwise.io/to_kindle?action=open&asin=B019MMUA8S&location=541)) - problems never fucking go away, he said—they just improve. ([Location 558](https://readwise.io/to_kindle?action=open&asin=B019MMUA8S&location=558)) - “The solution to one problem is merely the creation of the next one.” ([Location 561](https://readwise.io/to_kindle?action=open&asin=B019MMUA8S&location=561)) - hope for a life full of good problems.” ([Location 563](https://readwise.io/to_kindle?action=open&asin=B019MMUA8S&location=563)) - Problems never stop; they merely get exchanged and/or upgraded. ([Location 572](https://readwise.io/to_kindle?action=open&asin=B019MMUA8S&location=572)) - The secret sauce is in the solving of the problems, not in not having problems in the first place. ([Location 575](https://readwise.io/to_kindle?action=open&asin=B019MMUA8S&location=575)) - solve problems; be happy. ([Location 585](https://readwise.io/to_kindle?action=open&asin=B019MMUA8S&location=585)) - Much of the self-help world is predicated on peddling highs to people rather than solving legitimate problems. ([Location 596](https://readwise.io/to_kindle?action=open&asin=B019MMUA8S&location=596)) - Highs also generate addiction. ([Location 599](https://readwise.io/to_kindle?action=open&asin=B019MMUA8S&location=599)) - Emotions are simply biological signals designed to nudge you in the direction of beneficial change. ([Location 607](https://readwise.io/to_kindle?action=open&asin=B019MMUA8S&location=607)) - negative emotions are a call to action. ([Location 610](https://readwise.io/to_kindle?action=open&asin=B019MMUA8S&location=610)) - we shouldn’t always trust our own emotions. In fact, I believe we should make a habit of questioning them. ([Location 615](https://readwise.io/to_kindle?action=open&asin=B019MMUA8S&location=615)) - “hedonic treadmill”: ([Location 629](https://readwise.io/to_kindle?action=open&asin=B019MMUA8S&location=629)) - I didn’t actually want it. ([Location 676](https://readwise.io/to_kindle?action=open&asin=B019MMUA8S&location=676)) - I didn’t like to climb much. I just liked to imagine the summit. ([Location 682](https://readwise.io/to_kindle?action=open&asin=B019MMUA8S&location=682)) - I wanted the reward and not the struggle. ([Location 686](https://readwise.io/to_kindle?action=open&asin=B019MMUA8S&location=686)) - our struggles determine our successes. ([Location 693](https://readwise.io/to_kindle?action=open&asin=B019MMUA8S&location=693)) - Jimmy believed his own bullshit. ([Location 718](https://readwise.io/to_kindle?action=open&asin=B019MMUA8S&location=718)) - Sometime in the 1960s, developing “high self-esteem”—having positive thoughts and feelings about oneself—became all the rage in psychology. ([Location 719](https://readwise.io/to_kindle?action=open&asin=B019MMUA8S&location=719)) - But it’s a generation later and the data is in: we’re not all exceptional. ([Location 729](https://readwise.io/to_kindle?action=open&asin=B019MMUA8S&location=729)) - adversity and failure are actually useful ([Location 731](https://readwise.io/to_kindle?action=open&asin=B019MMUA8S&location=731)) - The problem with the self-esteem movement is that it measured self-esteem by how positively people felt ([Location 739](https://readwise.io/to_kindle?action=open&asin=B019MMUA8S&location=739)) - about themselves. ([Location 739](https://readwise.io/to_kindle?action=open&asin=B019MMUA8S&location=739)) - But the problem with entitlement is that it makes people need to feel good about themselves all the time, even at the expense of those around them. ([Location 753](https://readwise.io/to_kindle?action=open&asin=B019MMUA8S&location=753)) - Entitlement closes in upon itself in a kind of narcissistic bubble, distorting anything and everything in such a way as to reinforce itself. ([Location 759](https://readwise.io/to_kindle?action=open&asin=B019MMUA8S&location=759)) - Entitlement is impervious. ([Location 762](https://readwise.io/to_kindle?action=open&asin=B019MMUA8S&location=762)) - Note: It also provides a philosophy for socialism. - The true measurement of self-worth is not how a person feels about her positive experiences, but rather how she feels about her negative experiences. ([Location 766](https://readwise.io/to_kindle?action=open&asin=B019MMUA8S&location=766)) - The pain from my adolescence led me down a road of entitlement that lasted through much of my early adulthood. ([Location 861](https://readwise.io/to_kindle?action=open&asin=B019MMUA8S&location=861)) - I deserve special treatment. ([Location 876](https://readwise.io/to_kindle?action=open&asin=B019MMUA8S&location=876)) - I deserve special treatment. ([Location 877](https://readwise.io/to_kindle?action=open&asin=B019MMUA8S&location=877)) - It just means that you’re not special. ([Location 889](https://readwise.io/to_kindle?action=open&asin=B019MMUA8S&location=889)) - It’s strange that in an age when we are more connected than ever, entitlement seems to be at an all-time high. ([Location 897](https://readwise.io/to_kindle?action=open&asin=B019MMUA8S&location=897)) - To become truly great at something, you have to dedicate shit-tons of time and energy to it. ([Location 907](https://readwise.io/to_kindle?action=open&asin=B019MMUA8S&location=907)) - the tendency toward entitlement is apparent across all of society. ([Location 930](https://readwise.io/to_kindle?action=open&asin=B019MMUA8S&location=930)) - Even Oprah says it (so it must be true). Each and every one of us can be extraordinary. We all deserve greatness. ([Location 944](https://readwise.io/to_kindle?action=open&asin=B019MMUA8S&location=944)) - A lot of people are afraid to accept mediocrity ([Location 952](https://readwise.io/to_kindle?action=open&asin=B019MMUA8S&location=952)) - they become amazing because they’re obsessed with improvement. ([Location 957](https://readwise.io/to_kindle?action=open&asin=B019MMUA8S&location=957)) - People who become great at something become great because they understand that they’re not already great—they ([Location 959](https://readwise.io/to_kindle?action=open&asin=B019MMUA8S&location=959)) - “Your actions actually don’t matter that much in the grand scheme of things” ([Location 964](https://readwise.io/to_kindle?action=open&asin=B019MMUA8S&location=964)) - “The vast majority of your life will be boring and not noteworthy, and that’s okay.” ([Location 965](https://readwise.io/to_kindle?action=open&asin=B019MMUA8S&location=965)) - maybe they’re ordinary for a reason: because they are what actually matters. ([Location 972](https://readwise.io/to_kindle?action=open&asin=B019MMUA8S&location=972)) - These men both chose how they wished to suffer. ([Location 1044](https://readwise.io/to_kindle?action=open&asin=B019MMUA8S&location=1044)) - not “How do I stop suffering?” but “Why am I suffering—for what purpose?” ([Location 1047](https://readwise.io/to_kindle?action=open&asin=B019MMUA8S&location=1047)) - At least in the jungle his life had stood for something; it had meant something. ([Location 1055](https://readwise.io/to_kindle?action=open&asin=B019MMUA8S&location=1055)) - The second layer of the self-awareness onion is an ability to ask why we feel certain emotions. ([Location 1079](https://readwise.io/to_kindle?action=open&asin=B019MMUA8S&location=1079)) - The third level is our personal values: ([Location 1086](https://readwise.io/to_kindle?action=open&asin=B019MMUA8S&location=1086)) - Values underlie everything we are and do. ([Location 1090](https://readwise.io/to_kindle?action=open&asin=B019MMUA8S&location=1090)) - People’s perceptions and feelings may change, but the underlying values, and the metrics by which those values are assessed, stay the same. ([Location 1106](https://readwise.io/to_kindle?action=open&asin=B019MMUA8S&location=1106)) - We get to control what our problems mean based on how we choose to think about them, the standard by which we choose to measure them. ([Location 1143](https://readwise.io/to_kindle?action=open&asin=B019MMUA8S&location=1143)) - Our values determine the metrics by which we measure ourselves and everyone else. ([Location 1180](https://readwise.io/to_kindle?action=open&asin=B019MMUA8S&location=1180)) - common values that create really poor problems for people—problems ([Location 1216](https://readwise.io/to_kindle?action=open&asin=B019MMUA8S&location=1216)) - Pleasure is great, but it’s a horrible value to prioritize your life around. ([Location 1218](https://readwise.io/to_kindle?action=open&asin=B019MMUA8S&location=1218)) - Note: Horrible is a bit strong w/o clarification. - sometimes life sucks, and the healthiest thing you can do is admit it. ([Location 1247](https://readwise.io/to_kindle?action=open&asin=B019MMUA8S&location=1247)) - When we force ourselves to stay positive at all times, we deny the existence of our life’s problems. ([Location 1260](https://readwise.io/to_kindle?action=open&asin=B019MMUA8S&location=1260)) - to duck our problems is to lead a meaningless (even if supposedly pleasant) existence. ([Location 1262](https://readwise.io/to_kindle?action=open&asin=B019MMUA8S&location=1262)) - Good values are 1) reality-based, 2) socially constructive, and 3) immediate and controllable. ([Location 1274](https://readwise.io/to_kindle?action=open&asin=B019MMUA8S&location=1274)) - Note: This is your value of values. - “self-improvement” is really about: prioritizing better values, choosing better things to give a fuck about. ([Location 1310](https://readwise.io/to_kindle?action=open&asin=B019MMUA8S&location=1310)) - responsibility: ([Location 1315](https://readwise.io/to_kindle?action=open&asin=B019MMUA8S&location=1315)) - uncertainty: ([Location 1316](https://readwise.io/to_kindle?action=open&asin=B019MMUA8S&location=1316)) - failure: ([Location 1317](https://readwise.io/to_kindle?action=open&asin=B019MMUA8S&location=1317)) - rejection: ([Location 1318](https://readwise.io/to_kindle?action=open&asin=B019MMUA8S&location=1318)) - mortality; ([Location 1319](https://readwise.io/to_kindle?action=open&asin=B019MMUA8S&location=1319)) - when you chose it freely and prepared for it, it was a glorious and important milestone in your life. ([Location 1329](https://readwise.io/to_kindle?action=open&asin=B019MMUA8S&location=1329)) - William James ([Location 1337](https://readwise.io/to_kindle?action=open&asin=B019MMUA8S&location=1337)) - he would spend one year believing that he was 100 percent responsible for everything that occurred in his life, ([Location 1367](https://readwise.io/to_kindle?action=open&asin=B019MMUA8S&location=1367)) - the realization that we, individually, are responsible for everything in our lives, no matter the external circumstances. ([Location 1375](https://readwise.io/to_kindle?action=open&asin=B019MMUA8S&location=1375)) - We don’t always control what happens to us. But we always control how we interpret what happens to us, as well as how we respond. ([Location 1377](https://readwise.io/to_kindle?action=open&asin=B019MMUA8S&location=1377)) - we are always choosing, whether we recognize it or not. ([Location 1385](https://readwise.io/to_kindle?action=open&asin=B019MMUA8S&location=1385)) - “With great power comes great responsibility.” ([Location 1401](https://readwise.io/to_kindle?action=open&asin=B019MMUA8S&location=1401)) - “With great responsibility comes great power.” ([Location 1403](https://readwise.io/to_kindle?action=open&asin=B019MMUA8S&location=1403)) - they believe that to be responsible for your problems is to also be at fault for your problems. ([Location 1420](https://readwise.io/to_kindle?action=open&asin=B019MMUA8S&location=1420)) - We are responsible for experiences that aren’t our fault all the time. ([Location 1432](https://readwise.io/to_kindle?action=open&asin=B019MMUA8S&location=1432)) - Fault is past tense. Responsibility is present tense. ([Location 1433](https://readwise.io/to_kindle?action=open&asin=B019MMUA8S&location=1433)) - Nobody else is ever responsible for your situation but you. ([Location 1439](https://readwise.io/to_kindle?action=open&asin=B019MMUA8S&location=1439)) - how you value things. ([Location 1441](https://readwise.io/to_kindle?action=open&asin=B019MMUA8S&location=1441)) - You didn’t choose the robbery, but it’s still your responsibility to manage the emotional and psychological (and legal) fallout of the experience. ([Location 1488](https://readwise.io/to_kindle?action=open&asin=B019MMUA8S&location=1488)) - The responsibility for coping with that loss was given to him even though it was clearly and understandably unwanted. ([Location 1507](https://readwise.io/to_kindle?action=open&asin=B019MMUA8S&location=1507)) - I chose my problem. ([Location 1517](https://readwise.io/to_kindle?action=open&asin=B019MMUA8S&location=1517)) - People who consistently make the best choices in the situations they’re given are the ones who eventually come out ahead in poker, just as in life. ([Location 1563](https://readwise.io/to_kindle?action=open&asin=B019MMUA8S&location=1563)) - nobody makes it through life without collecting a few scars on the way out. ([Location 1575](https://readwise.io/to_kindle?action=open&asin=B019MMUA8S&location=1575)) - victimhood chic is that it sucks attention away from actual victims. ([Location 1596](https://readwise.io/to_kindle?action=open&asin=B019MMUA8S&location=1596)) - I thought happiness was a destiny and not a choice. ([Location 1644](https://readwise.io/to_kindle?action=open&asin=B019MMUA8S&location=1644)) - we don’t go from “wrong” to “right.” Rather, we go from wrong to slightly less wrong. ([Location 1657](https://readwise.io/to_kindle?action=open&asin=B019MMUA8S&location=1657)) - We are always in the process of approaching truth and perfection without actually ever reaching truth or perfection. ([Location 1658](https://readwise.io/to_kindle?action=open&asin=B019MMUA8S&location=1658)) - There is no correct dogma or perfect ideology. ([Location 1664](https://readwise.io/to_kindle?action=open&asin=B019MMUA8S&location=1664)) - Instead of striving for certainty, we should be in constant search of doubt: ([Location 1684](https://readwise.io/to_kindle?action=open&asin=B019MMUA8S&location=1684)) - Our brains are meaning machines. ([Location 1719](https://readwise.io/to_kindle?action=open&asin=B019MMUA8S&location=1719)) - We press a button, then we see a light go on; we assume the button caused the light to go on. ([Location 1720](https://readwise.io/to_kindle?action=open&asin=B019MMUA8S&location=1720)) - Most of our beliefs are wrong. Or, to be more exact, all beliefs are wrong—some ([Location 1735](https://readwise.io/to_kindle?action=open&asin=B019MMUA8S&location=1735)) - The problem here is that not only is certainty unattainable, but the pursuit of certainty often breeds more (and worse) insecurity. ([Location 1793](https://readwise.io/to_kindle?action=open&asin=B019MMUA8S&location=1793)) - the more you try to be certain about something, the more uncertain and insecure you will feel. ([Location 1806](https://readwise.io/to_kindle?action=open&asin=B019MMUA8S&location=1806)) - the converse is true as well: the more you embrace being uncertain and not knowing, the more comfortable you will feel in knowing what you don’t know. ([Location 1807](https://readwise.io/to_kindle?action=open&asin=B019MMUA8S&location=1807)) - Uncertainty is the root of all progress and all growth. ([Location 1812](https://readwise.io/to_kindle?action=open&asin=B019MMUA8S&location=1812)) - the man who believes he knows everything learns nothing. ([Location 1813](https://readwise.io/to_kindle?action=open&asin=B019MMUA8S&location=1813)) - we must first become uncertain of our current values. ([Location 1819](https://readwise.io/to_kindle?action=open&asin=B019MMUA8S&location=1819)) - Manson’s law of avoidance ([Location 1825](https://readwise.io/to_kindle?action=open&asin=B019MMUA8S&location=1825)) - The more something threatens your identity, the more you will avoid it. ([Location 1826](https://readwise.io/to_kindle?action=open&asin=B019MMUA8S&location=1826)) - Until we change how we view ourselves, what we believe we are and are not, we cannot overcome our avoidance and anxiety. ([Location 1856](https://readwise.io/to_kindle?action=open&asin=B019MMUA8S&location=1856)) - Buddhism encourages you to not give a fuck. ([Location 1864](https://readwise.io/to_kindle?action=open&asin=B019MMUA8S&location=1864)) - When we let go of the stories we tell about ourselves, to ourselves, we free ourselves up to actually act (and fail) and grow. ([Location 1866](https://readwise.io/to_kindle?action=open&asin=B019MMUA8S&location=1866)) - there is little that is unique or special about your problems. ([Location 1873](https://readwise.io/to_kindle?action=open&asin=B019MMUA8S&location=1873)) - My recommendation: don’t be special; don’t be unique. ([Location 1880](https://readwise.io/to_kindle?action=open&asin=B019MMUA8S&location=1880)) - measure yourself by more mundane identities: a student, a partner, a friend, a creator. ([Location 1881](https://readwise.io/to_kindle?action=open&asin=B019MMUA8S&location=1881)) - withdrawal when you start giving these things up. ([Location 1888](https://readwise.io/to_kindle?action=open&asin=B019MMUA8S&location=1888)) - As a general rule, we’re all the world’s worst observers of ourselves. ([Location 1902](https://readwise.io/to_kindle?action=open&asin=B019MMUA8S&location=1902)) - for any change to happen in your life, you must be wrong about something. ([Location 1910](https://readwise.io/to_kindle?action=open&asin=B019MMUA8S&location=1910)) - Aristotle wrote, “It is the mark of an educated mind to be able to entertain a thought without accepting it.” ([Location 1917](https://readwise.io/to_kindle?action=open&asin=B019MMUA8S&location=1917)) - beliefs are arbitrary; ([Location 1945](https://readwise.io/to_kindle?action=open&asin=B019MMUA8S&location=1945)) - Failure itself is a relative concept. ([Location 1969](https://readwise.io/to_kindle?action=open&asin=B019MMUA8S&location=1969)) - to not pursue my own projects became the failure—not ([Location 1982](https://readwise.io/to_kindle?action=open&asin=B019MMUA8S&location=1982)) - If someone is better than you at something, then it’s likely because she has failed at it more than you have. ([Location 1995](https://readwise.io/to_kindle?action=open&asin=B019MMUA8S&location=1995)) - Shitty values, as we saw in chapter 4, involve tangible external goals outside of our control. ([Location 2012](https://readwise.io/to_kindle?action=open&asin=B019MMUA8S&location=2012)) - Better values, as we saw, are process-oriented. ([Location 2014](https://readwise.io/to_kindle?action=open&asin=B019MMUA8S&location=2014)) - the value “honest expression.” ([Location 2030](https://readwise.io/to_kindle?action=open&asin=B019MMUA8S&location=2030)) - to deny that pain is to deny our own potential. ([Location 2047](https://readwise.io/to_kindle?action=open&asin=B019MMUA8S&location=2047)) - Just as one must suffer physical pain to build stronger bone and muscle, one must suffer emotional pain to develop greater emotional resilience, a stronger sense of self, increased compassion, and a generally happier life. ([Location 2048](https://readwise.io/to_kindle?action=open&asin=B019MMUA8S&location=2048)) - pain is part of the process. It’s important to feel it. ([Location 2057](https://readwise.io/to_kindle?action=open&asin=B019MMUA8S&location=2057)) - I was entirely responsible for all of my own decisions, as well as the consequences of those decisions. ([Location 2110](https://readwise.io/to_kindle?action=open&asin=B019MMUA8S&location=2110)) - Action isn’t just the effect of motivation; it’s also the cause of it. ([Location 2126](https://readwise.io/to_kindle?action=open&asin=B019MMUA8S&location=2126)) - motivation is that it’s not only a three-part chain, but an endless loop: ([Location 2133](https://readwise.io/to_kindle?action=open&asin=B019MMUA8S&location=2133)) - Action → Inspiration → Motivation ([Location 2137](https://readwise.io/to_kindle?action=open&asin=B019MMUA8S&location=2137)) - you lack the motivation to make an important change in your life, do something—anything, really—and then harness the reaction to that action as a way to begin motivating yourself. ([Location 2138](https://readwise.io/to_kindle?action=open&asin=B019MMUA8S&location=2138)) - the “do something” principle. ([Location 2140](https://readwise.io/to_kindle?action=open&asin=B019MMUA8S&location=2140)) - forcing myself to do something, even the most menial of tasks, quickly made the larger tasks seem much easier. ([Location 2144](https://readwise.io/to_kindle?action=open&asin=B019MMUA8S&location=2144)) - If we follow the “do something” principle, failure feels unimportant. ([Location 2151](https://readwise.io/to_kindle?action=open&asin=B019MMUA8S&location=2151)) - inspiration is seen as a reward rather than a prerequisite—we ([Location 2152](https://readwise.io/to_kindle?action=open&asin=B019MMUA8S&location=2152)) - the action needed to inspire the motivation to keep going. ([Location 2163](https://readwise.io/to_kindle?action=open&asin=B019MMUA8S&location=2163)) - doing something as your only metric for success—well, ([Location 2164](https://readwise.io/to_kindle?action=open&asin=B019MMUA8S&location=2164)) - failure pushes you forward. ([Location 2165](https://readwise.io/to_kindle?action=open&asin=B019MMUA8S&location=2165)) - commitment issues. ([Location 2179](https://readwise.io/to_kindle?action=open&asin=B019MMUA8S&location=2179)) - absolute freedom, by itself, means nothing. ([Location 2191](https://readwise.io/to_kindle?action=open&asin=B019MMUA8S&location=2191)) - a narrowing of freedom, ([Location 2193](https://readwise.io/to_kindle?action=open&asin=B019MMUA8S&location=2193)) - Honesty in the truest sense of the word. ([Location 2213](https://readwise.io/to_kindle?action=open&asin=B019MMUA8S&location=2213)) - liberation through accepting rejection. ([Location 2216](https://readwise.io/to_kindle?action=open&asin=B019MMUA8S&location=2216)) - fake-nice communication ([Location 2223](https://readwise.io/to_kindle?action=open&asin=B019MMUA8S&location=2223)) - in the “free” West, ([Location 2229](https://readwise.io/to_kindle?action=open&asin=B019MMUA8S&location=2229)) - Trust lost its value. ([Location 2231](https://readwise.io/to_kindle?action=open&asin=B019MMUA8S&location=2231)) - Knowing a lot of people superficially was more beneficial than knowing a few people closely. ([Location 2232](https://readwise.io/to_kindle?action=open&asin=B019MMUA8S&location=2232)) - There is such pressure in the West to be likable that people often reconfigure their entire personality depending on the person they’re dealing with. ([Location 2237](https://readwise.io/to_kindle?action=open&asin=B019MMUA8S&location=2237)) - we need to reject something. Otherwise, we stand for nothing. ([Location 2242](https://readwise.io/to_kindle?action=open&asin=B019MMUA8S&location=2242)) - The act of choosing a value for yourself requires rejecting alternative values. ([Location 2249](https://readwise.io/to_kindle?action=open&asin=B019MMUA8S&location=2249)) - we all must give a fuck about something, in order to value something. ([Location 2253](https://readwise.io/to_kindle?action=open&asin=B019MMUA8S&location=2253)) - to value something, we must reject what is not that something. To value X, we must reject non-X. ([Location 2254](https://readwise.io/to_kindle?action=open&asin=B019MMUA8S&location=2254)) - if we reject nothing (perhaps in fear of being rejected by something ourselves), we essentially have no identity at all. ([Location 2256](https://readwise.io/to_kindle?action=open&asin=B019MMUA8S&location=2256)) - Rejection is an important and crucial life skill. ([Location 2262](https://readwise.io/to_kindle?action=open&asin=B019MMUA8S&location=2262)) - becoming comfortable with saying and hearing the word “no.” ([Location 2265](https://readwise.io/to_kindle?action=open&asin=B019MMUA8S&location=2265)) - No one trusts a yes-man. ([Location 2403](https://readwise.io/to_kindle?action=open&asin=B019MMUA8S&location=2403)) - Conflict is not only normal, then; it’s absolutely necessary for the maintenance of a healthy relationship. ([Location 2406](https://readwise.io/to_kindle?action=open&asin=B019MMUA8S&location=2406)) - pursuing a breadth of experience denies us the opportunity to experience the rewards of depth of experience. ([Location 2457](https://readwise.io/to_kindle?action=open&asin=B019MMUA8S&location=2457)) - depth is where the gold is buried. ([Location 2483](https://readwise.io/to_kindle?action=open&asin=B019MMUA8S&location=2483))