When I was fourteen I got my first iPod, a 3rd Gen Nano - one of the ones that still had the scrollwheel. ![[Nerdcore Hiphop Should Have Been Mine-20240605132554345.png]] My taste in music was limited at the time. Not only was there no instant access to any song ever like there is now, but my mom wasn't exactly going to be my tastemaker LOL - besides classics like The Temptations and Marvin Gaye, she was mostly listening to Sudanese music. And because *I* did nothing but play videogames or read books, most of my soundtrack in my early years was determined by the games I was playing. The very first song I distinctly remember playing on that iPod Nano was this track from the Cave Story remix album I got off of OCRemix back in the day. ![[OC ReMix 1703 Cave Story H2O Living Waterway by OverCoat.mp3]] Later though, I got into hip-hop. It's funny looking back on it - I was always into the genre, but it was kind of hard to listen to next to my mom, LOL. But with an iPod Nano and some headphones I could listen in private. The first artist I can remember getting into was Lupe Fiasco[^1], and from there I jumped to Kanye[^2], MF DOOM, Gambino, etc. etc. Hip-hop got my blood pumping. The lyricism, the word play, the storytelling - it was like getting a novel with a beat behind it. And those beats reminded me greatly of videogame music. A lot of songs would sample videogame tracks too, so the relationship was symbiotic at times. I went to a middle-school and high-school that was pretty much exclusively white. Probably the most interaction I had with Black people outside of my own family came from listening to rap. Hip-hop was a life-line for my melanin - - even if I didn't realize it at the time, I would eventually. But it's important to note now, because then I stumbled across Mega Ran on a GameFAQs forum in 2010. *Forever Famicom* is the first taste I had of what is generally known as "Nerdcore Hip-Hop," and at the time it was the coolest thing I'd ever heard in my life. This dude combined my two favorite things at the time: rapping and videogames. It was like it was purpose-built for a 15-year-old Barquq. As embarrassing as it is to think about now, hearing [Mega Ran rap over an Earthbound track](https://megarankmurdock.bandcamp.com/track/forever-3) was a transcendental experience as a kid. It's kinda corny now, but also, whatever, you know? Not that being a nerd was ever a protected class, but being Black *and* being nerdy as fuck was pretty difficult in 2010, I'm not gonna lie. Having something that combined my two favorite things was so cool to me, and I wanted to share that. I posted the Bandcamp link to my Facebook page, a safe little haven for me and all my nerdy friends to talk about Mass Effect and Scott Pilgrim and Anamanaguchi and what-not. I was so excited to reveal my discovery. But then I got a comment from my friend Josh.[^3] I legit remember it word for word, so I can quote it by heart. > [!quote] That Clown Josh > Man, this is so much better than that *thug* hip-hop you hear on the radio. Now, Josh was 14. But also, fuck Josh, he should have known better. But also also, I have to thank Josh. I was always vaguely aware of racial inequality, but it wasn't until this moment[^4] that I realized that I was indeed different. The Other. I couldn't understand my soon-to-be-former friend's comment. Lupe Fiasco wasn't a thug, what the heck? He rapped about skateboarding and loving manga! What exactly made him a "thug?" Interrogating that question would begin to put me on the path of leftist intersectional radicalization, but it would also took me off the path of Nerdcore. I couldn't stand it anymore, because it represented one of whiteness' most perverse pastimes: that being to take something built by People of Color and "sanitizing" it so that it can *finally* be enjoyed comfortably. It's a vector of attack that sits next to having Eminem being your favorite rapper, except now Eminem is holding a Master Sword. Nerdcore should have been mine. I should have been free to enjoy my corny little videogame raps, but instead it reminded me that I wasn't welcome in that space when it came down to it. Liking Earthbound wasn't going to stop someone from calling me the N word. I still kind of had the last laugh though, through Team Teamwork, who would instead take existing hip-hop tracks and remix them on top of videogame samples: to [great effect](https://youtu.be/p8TgQbki1Ik). Although even here, I'm not fully safe. ![[Nerdcore Hip-hop Should Have Been Mine-20240608192502692.png]][^5] Anyways. I'm going to be unapologetically Black and nerdy as fuck forever. I refuse to let whiteness continue to be the dominant angle of both videogame creation and critical consumption. Joshes and Patricks and Nathans won't get to be the primary voices of my favorite pastime forever. But also they can keep Nerdcore LMFAO [^1]: Still one of the GOATs don't @ me [^2]: RIP [^3]: This *is* his real name, it's not like it, like anything else about him, was unique LMFAO clown [^4]: And the one where I got stopped by the cops to get accused of casing houses when I was fundraising for Cancer Prevention research - remind me to tell y'all about that one someday. [^5]: No relation..............I ***think!?***