OKAY time to dig into this. I am a pretty late [[ADHD]] diagnosis. That came with a lot of realizations that I've tackled in the past half decade or so. But there's one thing I'm still coming to grips with, and that's Rejection Sensitive Dysphoria. I didn't realize that it's such a big aspect of handling ADHD. All I ever knew about was the issues with focus, and random stuff like constantly mixing up words when I'm writing. But it's a thing, that I realized I have to deal with! And it sucks. ### What is it? > [!quote] > "*RSD is an extreme emotional sensitivity or pain triggered by the perception that one has: been rejected, teased or criticized; disappointed important people in their lives; or failed to attain their own standards or goals. Some examples of events that might trigger RSD include getting into an argument with a friend, receiving negative feedback from your boss, or being “ghosted” after a first date.*" > > – ATTN Center NYC That's probably a good enough summation for it. When I first read about what RSD is my brain flipped in my skull. I always knew that I took rejection way too poorly, but I didn't realize there was such a succinct explanation as to the **why**. So that explains it! My RSD manifests itself in a few pretty common ways. The first is definitely the work example described in the quote. If I get feedback, it hits poorly. But an even worse variation is how I handle social situations. Things as simple and stupid as not being acknowledged on social media affect me way too much as a grown-ass man, lmao. If a friend doesn't like a post of mine for a few days I'll immediately jump to thinking that they must hate me now, or that I did something wrong. Or I'll read a chat message and let it ruin my whole night because I've made a stupid assumption about its tone that I just won't follow up on to have my fears placated. Even just typing that out is embarrassing, but I literally can't seem to help it! I'm an internalizer when my RSD hits. I'll get sad and close myself off for a long time to prevent myself from getting hurt further, not realizing that it'll only hurt me more (or realizing and not caring anyways). I'll convince myself to not try and continue to be social, because if I don't try in the first place, I can't get hurt! No expectations means I can't fall short of them. On the opposite end I'll be a people pleaser. Take the moment I realized I really had a problem: I once gave my mom a hug and told her goodnight. I walked out of the room and started to get anxiety about the interaction. *That goodnight didn't feel super responsive*, I thought. So I went back and said goodnight. And then I said it *AGAIN*. On the third one my mom clicked her tongue at me. "*Habibi*, I said goodnight!" She said. I am *on the phone.*" I mean, how ridiculous, right? It's like my brain wouldn't settle until it could triple-check that my *mom* didn't hate me because she didn't give me a hearty enough of a response. AaaaaAAAAA- --- SO YEAH it's a problem. I'm signing up with a CBT[^1] Therapist to help, but here are some tips I've picked up after a recent bad bout that are starting to help: ### Identifying and externalizing strengths When my RSD spirals I get really hard on myself. I eject all of my good qualities from my brain - even though they *do* exist. Now I have a private page in this garden that lists those strengths out, and I read them to myself when I can tell that I'm about to beat myself up. I've also started to screenshot positive interactions with my friends and keep them in in here to remind myself that they are, in fact, my friends that care for and love me, and them ending a sentence with a period doesn't suddenly make that untrue, lol. It was embarrassing at first because I'm so prone to downplaying myself that I may as well be a Narmaya main[^2]. But it's getting easier now. ### Challenging the negativity I've created a list of questions that I read to myself whenever I feel like I'm being rejected and start to get negative thoughts: - Is there evidence for this negativity? - Is there evidence that's contrary to my negativity? - What other way(s) could this situation/interaction be interpreted? When I feel my RSD hitting, I create an entry in my RSD journal right here in Obsidian and fill those questions out. By the time I'm done, I come to realize that what I'm fretting about probably isn't that bad. ### Sensitivity is good! Despite everything I've written, I'm don't really *hate* that I have RSD. I'm embracing it, because it comes with some good too! Being sensitive to this degree is what helps me connect with people, empathize and relate to them. Deeply feeling things isn't inherently bad, and the more I open myself up to the positive side of my sensitivity, the more I can appreciate the things that make me happy. --- Hopefully that doesn't come across as too self-help-y, lol. But this has been on my mind for a while and the above has actually really started to help. If you read any of this and find it resonates with you, I'd look into it further! You may be dealing with the same things I am, and putting a name to it can help! [^1]: not that one [^2]: she's good!!! you're just bad at using her!!!