Our degree of healing may be enough to allow us to speak openly and vulnerably to strangers at a workshop where we all share the same end goal. But, once in the "live fire" situation of our family structures, we may not be able to hold our own anymore. That's ok. That's normal. That's part of the process and integration. This is another reason to have people who are watching your journey, supportive community. They can see when you have made progress and can comment with their observations, often long before you notice the actual changes in your life. Also, it's good to have a [[Why is community key for trauma healing|community]] who will not be *threatened* by changes you may make in growth. What I mean by that is: if people are _dependent_ on you, financially, emotionally, or in any other way, your growth can be viewed as a threat. *Any* change in your behaviors can mean that their needs will no longer be met. (Fear of loss carries a much heavier weight in human decisions than hope of gain.) There are two ways to achieve this practically: 1) Be part of a community or ashram that has, as its goal, healing. There, people will not be shaken up by your progress. 2) Have people "outside your systems" who will not be negatively impacted by any change that you may make in your life who can observe and comment. Meaning: they don't depend on you for either money or emotional support. Feedback is helpful. Just not necessarily from those closest to you. Your spouse, parents, or siblings may not "get" your transformation. Also, as you learn to navigate the new world map that you integrate in your mind, you are probably going to do a few things, take a few less-than-"perfect" steps as you get your bearings. Healing trauma changes us. The "new you" may seem clumsy, overbearing, impatient, distant, withdrawn, or anything else which those close to you aren't used to *compared with your old self*. Even if you are going in the perfectly right direction, I tell people that the pendulum can swing too far one way before it finds a happy middle. That has certainly happened with me and many people I have worked with. It's best to spend time with and get feedback from people who can be patient with your learning a new way of being. On to: [[In the moment, enjoying life]]