>"Empathy is a respectful understanding of what others are experiencing. It's an emotional presence that allows us to be with them in a nonjudgmental way. Empathy involves listening deeply, seeking to understand the other person's feelings, needs, and underlying values." - Marshall Rosenberg Now, that seems like a slightly more complex definition than what you are going to get from the dictionary, but it's a complex topic. Wikipedia: "**Empathy** is the capacity to understand or feel what another person is experiencing from within their perspective or worldview. That is, the capacity to place oneself in another's position. The process of understanding others (and others' emotions in particular). Types of empathy include cognitive empathy, emotional (or affective) empathy, somatic empathy, and spiritual empathy." --- And, now from AI: "Empathy is the ability to understand and share the **feelings**, **emotions**, and **perspectives** of others. It involves putting yourself in someone else's shoes and experiencing the world from their point of view, while also recognizing and **acknowledging** their **emotions** and **experiences** as **valid** and meaningful. ... It's important to note that empathy **does not mean that one has to agree with or condone the actions or beliefs of others**. Rather, it is about acknowledging and validating their emotions and experiences, even if they differ from our own. Empathy allows for better communication, conflict resolution, and the cultivation of a more compassionate society. --- There are a number of points which I am going to emphasize from this. 1. It involves some **effort** to determine what the other person may be thinking or experiencing. In fact, it probably takes more effort than we are used to expending in everyday communication. One reason many of our relationships feel superficial and unfulfilling is that, for many reasons, we have lost access to our ability to empathize. 2. It isn't **sympathy**: **Sympathy** is when you feel sorrow or pity for the hardships that another person encounters. It's essentially feeling **for** a person. Sympathy can be a relatively shallow, distant feeling. For example, you might feel sympathy for a stranger who just lost their job. But this is often projection. Your feelings about another's predicament, whatever they are, may have little to nothing to do with how *they* feel in the situation they are in. If you want *understanding*, you are going to have to communicate with them. You cannot develop empathy without communication (because you never actually know what another person's experience is unless they tell you). As in the example, you can have *sympathy* with anyone, without communicating. 3. You **don't have to be right**. "I can imagine that feels..." and "Sounds like you might be feeling..." are great ways to express empathy. When you use phrases like this, you demonstrate to the Other that you are willing and *attempting* to learn their feelings, rather than telling them how they must feel or what it was like for you when you felt something similar. The attempt shows that you are willing to expend effort to try to connect to what is happening for them. They will appreciate it because *that* is what counts. 4. It's **not** about "Oh! That happened to me once!" Your experience *even when going through the exact same thing*, may have been completely different emotionally and psychologically than theirs. If you tell them about your experience, you aren't empathizing. You're storytelling and may be projecting. 5. You **don't have to agree**. Their experience within their situation will stem from their [[What is your world(-view)|worldview]], experience, and perspective. You don't have to decide whether they are right or wrong, good or bad, to have empathy. You can have empathy for a murderer or a rapist without endorsing their behaviors or actions. In fact, in one particular story, Marshall does just that. Understanding the feelings and needs of those who may be acting in ways that are violating our needs is more helpful in shifting those behaviors than punishment is. This is the foundation of [[What is restorative justice|restorative justice]]. It's probably easier to understand empathy in the context of another person than it is for oneself. Which is why I wanted to explain this part to you first. So, let's answer the next question: [[What is self-empathy]]?