After my first marriage (collapsed), I decided that I didn't really know *anything* about relationships from my experience of being a child in a (pretty dysfunctional) family. I wondered if there was a map that could show me how to interact with others in loving, connected ways. Turns out, there is. It's called "The Golden Rule". But, that is pretty difficult for us to understand or follow because of the training we have received in what some call "the [[The world of domination by violence (MoC)|domination system]]". So, I went on a journey to learn all there was to know about getting along and love. That is quite a journey. But, there are some people whom you have probably never heard of who have made maps... This page contains links to the various parts of [[What is Perfect Relating|Perfect Relating]]. Bookmark it so you can always find your way "Home". 1. [[Why don't people do what I want]]? (And similar, more specific [[Questions about relating|questions]].) 2. [[How do I get people to do what I want]]? (And [[Why can't people ALWAYS do what I want]])? ### What do I need to understand to use this system in meeting my needs? 1. [[First principles of relating]]? 2. [[What is natural giving]] and how does it work? 3. [[What are fundamental human needs]]? [[Meeting needs feels good]] [[How we are trained to keep us from meeting our needs]] 3. [[Relating only has three steps]] 4. [[The Myth of Authority]] 5. [[What is the domination system]]? 6. [[What is soft violence|What is soft violence]]? 7. [[What would a non-violent world be like]] 8. [[What is agency and how does it differ from freedom]]? 9. Why may it be better to look at [[There's no such thing as a relation-ship|relating as a process (verb) than a noun (thing).]]? 10. [[Why and how to let go of labels (and expectations)]] 11. [[Labeling hurts our connections with others]] 12. [[Can't labels be true]] 13. What is the problem with labels? Don't they help? Defining the relationship and all that? What are expectations? Shouldn't I have them? What are feelings? How do they differ from emotions? What are needs? How do we get them filled? Why is observation important? (Commercial needs getting mettedness?) ## Knowing what you want How do I figure out what I want? Practices? Why don't I know what I want? ## Asking for what you want How do I ask for what I want? I'm terrified to do so. Why can't I ask for what I want? ## Negotiating If people say no, I'm devastated. Then what? Why is "no" the beginning? How can I go from there? --- Background and history: [[Who am I]] [[What is Perfect Relating]] [[What was missing in NVC]] [[DRAFT_Where did Perfect Relating come from]] [[How I learned NVC and developed Perfect Relating]] [[Relating only has three steps]] ### Who are the people that inspired this system Who is MR? Who is WW? Who has figured this stuff out? Who was Buber? Rogers? What does Jesus know? ### Some often-asked questions 3. Is the Golden rule enough? Why can't I live it? How do I *find* someone to meet need X? Why isn't my life how I want? --> personal