It's 1:00 am on a Saturday. Crouched at my workdesk, I am cracking on with an attempt to set up my personal website on Wordpress. The thoughts running through my head are several, including, what the site would be called, what the roadmap of blogs should look like, how to market it and most importantly, how I could **monetise** it. Basically, all the *exciting, glamorous bits*. I wake up the next day, get dressed, and promptly forget about my last night's *time investment* and never-ever do I think of the website I wanted to create so desperately the previous night. Unfortunately, this is a rather familiar setting to me. I feel like *I need to do something*, I *start it in all anger*, I *lay out the entire plan* and I *bloody shelve it*. Most times, I don't even know that I am shelving it. I just *forget about it*... In some cases, this does not seem to bother me at all. Some projects are born dead (like my interest in being an actor 😝) and I acknowledge that. But, in (most) other cases; the inability to *finish something that I started*, absolutely kills me. The personal website being an example. One night, I think that I am going to be the next [Ali Abdaal](https://aliabdaal.com/) and the next morning, my reality strikes me down.  Having investigated my personal feelings and ambitions over the last 2 years, I have come to a single important finding - *I am inflicted by the heavy burden of the mental backlog*. And I am sure that this is not a problem that is unique to me. People who run on ambition, have almost always struggled to keep their ideas in check and their to-do lists from expanding. I have read about journalling aficionados, trello ninjas, ruthless prioritisers and a lot more. Heck, people are writing books and selling courses about how to *manage time and productivity*. And having read quite a few of these books in the past, I still do not really find myself doing any better. One possible explanation is that I am a pathetic reader and a bad student. But, I do have a Masters degree from a top university in the UK as evidence against that hypothesis ;) That brings me to the next possible explanation - The frameworks provided in books and courses might not be for me considering the inherent chaotic nature of my creative process. > And that's the thing with self help frameworks. They *tend* to be helpful for a subset of folks with similar personality traits and backgrounds. But, never are they generalisable. You could argue that you read that book that's a *New York Times Bestseller*, but hey, aren't they all? I choose to write this piece because I have to come to realise that to be free of one's mental backlog, we need to first be clear about what it is, recognise when it's cluttering up and have the courage to *kill our own babies*. ## What is a Mental Backlog? It's the bunch of things that we would like to do at any point in time. It is a collection of tasks, goals, and aspirations that you've been meaning to address but haven't yet. If you have worked in any product-based setting, you most likely are familiar with the [product backlog](https://d1wqtxts1xzle7.cloudfront.net/79429026/download-libre.pdf?1642965443=&response-content-disposition=inline%3B+filename%3DThe_Product_Backlog.pdf&Expires=1707660645&Signature=P6SOouXfF~S2Dd9981qTvonw~axlkNcBJ2n8~STH0ZL7E2PuxS7NX-GWPj3yO37~5gYO04sRHvk4k0o8BZuDvIiwEt7w6YRpesZTSAjM9GR2Lmlfdlj9jEhl44ll-7wT-eA8Lah8LvkMBij-dkJ2jyaUL-ECd3tvSm9AmvcvL-12oCOTtuHnFY7ukGNhFZVpLcIbo32b6wVbbawljbhICf65Pi1cbCTsWD3Tt186bTT1Cl3gDo9EXBT-alXUfrNhS3hdN6gwsYGbg-Cy62Yw1meEdR7qRPSJaLwLgxaFrIkzxEJI1SqQThaqLEiYwbsQ1MGJnQ2fZkkeTBj-X8kUVg__&Key-Pair-Id=APKAJLOHF5GGSLRBV4ZA). The mental backlog (MB) is similar, with the following exceptions - Your life is the product - It's not tangible, unless you write it all down Just like any project management tool, you can't recognise how messy the backlog actually is until you scan through the backlog with patience. And this moment of scanning reveals painful truths such as - Why is task even there? - What should be the priority here? - What sub tasks do I need to consider to achieve this task? - What deadlines do I need to consider? It's a hot mess. And since the brain has to deal with the mess generated by the brain (quite meta, I know), it throws you down a spiral. To escape the atrocities of having to clarify one's thought process, we choose to sweep it under the rug...only for the whole cycle to hit us again later. Our mental backlogs get messier with time. And at times, it becomes hard to even remember the tasks that we need to do. Most tasks on the mental backlog are never really completed. And they die a *slow death*. Sometimes, they are already dead but we don't realise it. And in futile attempts to "revive" them, we end up forgetting *more important and pressing tasks* in life. ### How does the mental backlog form? My guess? It is first formed when you are a child and you never really even recognise it until much later in your life when you see it taking a toll on your mental peace and health. Its a result of the constant influx of ideas, responsibilities, and desires we encounter. Every ambition we hold, every responsibility thrust upon us, and every spontaneous idea that strikes us contributes to this growing pile. Tasks get added almost reflexively, influenced by external pressures like societal expectations and internal drivers such as our own values and ambitions.  External influences force us to add tasks into the backlog either as a requirement to fulfil a societal obligation (such as work) or through the implicit choices we make (such as wanting to start a side hustle). Internal drivers are basically the "human component" in us. Our need to do tasks for survival (meal prep), tasks around ambition (entrepreneurship) and our insatiable thirst for attention (posting on social media). The fact that we are now living in a world with so much exposure to the digital world means that our ingestion of these tasks into our backlog is at a rate that is way faster than humanity has ever had to encounter before 👀 > **Quick note:** None of these drivers above are "bad" in my opinion. Neither are they "good". It all depends on how you choose to use them. ## Let's get Scientific. In 1956, [G.A. Miller](https://psycnet.apa.org/doiLanding?doi=10.1037%2Fh0043158) theorised the ultimate truth - Our information processing abilities are not without limits. Around the 80s, John Sweller on the back of this, defined [cognitive load theory](https://www.scotthyoung.com/blog/2022/01/04/cognitive-load-theory/). While the initial focus of the theory has been around the design of teaching materials for pupils, the idea of *cognitive load* is seen in a much broader context in areas from [UX design](https://www.theturnsignalblog.com/blog/cognitive-load/) to [software development](https://testing.googleblog.com/2023/11/write-clean-code-to-reduce-cognitive.html). Cognitive load is the amount of information you can process at any given time. And since this *working memory* is limited, overloading our brains can lead to *worse productivity*, *exacerbated stress*, a *decrease in self worth* and an *increase in self-doubt*. When there are just too many tasks in the mental backlog i.e a burdened mental backlog and we have no process to sort it out, the cognitive load is almost always overloaded.  With so much to do, and so little capacity to do it all, we stress out more. Guided by stress, we sacrifice common sense and add more tasks into our backlog to *make up for what could not do*. Also, we begin to allow our tasks to conflict with each other, spill over into each others' territories. Most times, it is our personal life that suffers. Personally, this is true for me as I come from the *overly hurried, cut-throat culture of the Indian subcontinent*. Not finishing tasks induces a weird feeling in our stomachs and this can be attributed to the [Zeigarnik Effect](https://nesslabs.com/unfinished-tasks). According to this, an unfinished task will remain prominent in our mind as opposed to finished tasks; thus building out a pile of *psychological tension*. Widely [used in product design](https://growth.design/case-studies/zeigarnik-effect), its a powerful idea to explain why it is so hard to let go of something we have started. The more we have to do, the less effective we can choose what to do. As the mental backlog grows, so does the burden it places on our mental wellbeing. The failure to address our tasks can lead to feelings of overwhelm, stress, and a diminished sense of self-worth. This emotional toll is compounded by the difficulty in remembering and prioritising tasks effectively, often leading to a *cycle of procrastination and guilt*. ## Recognising the Clutter Recognising the clutter within our mental backlog is crucial for maintaining mental clarity and focus. However, this clutter often remains unnoticed due to the very nature of how we interact with our mental landscape. Below is a refined exploration of why recognising this clutter is challenging, followed by actionable steps to identify and address it. ### Why is the clutter so hard to recognise? The mental backlog, by its very nature, is a silent accumulator of tasks, ideas, and aspirations. It's not something we actively monitor or evaluate on a daily basis. Instead, it grows in the background, collecting every new task we encounter as we navigate through our daily lives. This passive accumulation makes it difficult to recognise when our mental space becomes cluttered. Unlike physical clutter, which we can see and feel, mental clutter is invisible and intangible. - **Invisible Accumulation**: We ingest tasks and responsibilities with every new experience, often without a conscious decision to do so. This constant influx makes it hard to keep track of what's truly important. - **Lack of Filtering**: There's no built-in alert system in our minds to notify us when something of little value sneaks into our backlog. This absence of immediate feedback allows non-essential tasks to reside unnoticed. - **Emotional Investment**: Often, we hold onto tasks or projects out of a sense of obligation or because we've already invested time and resources into them, even if they no longer serve our goals or happiness. ### What to do to recognise and fix the clutter To recognise clutter, it helps to be more mindful. And to be mindful, we need to ask ourselves the hard questions. I have been at it for two years and as far as I can tell, it is really hard to question our mental backlog initially. However, with time, it does get easier. It would definitely help to think through the tasks you are busily jotting down into your mental to-do lists by first passing them through questions that act as filters. 1. **Source of the Task**: Ask yourself whether you're adding the task for your own growth and fulfilment or to meet someone else's expectations. This distinction can help prioritise tasks that align with your personal values and goals. 2. **Status Check on Ongoing Projects**: Evaluate how many projects you currently have "in progress" and consider when you last dedicated time to each. If a project hasn't seen progress in a long time, it might be time to reassess its importance. 3. **Sunk Cost Fallacy**: Recognise if you're holding onto a task or project simply because of the resources you've already invested. Remember, past investments shouldn't dictate future efforts, especially if they no longer contribute to your objectives. 4. **Relevance**: Consider if the task crosses your mind at least once a day. If it doesn't, it might not be as urgent or important as you initially thought. 5. **Undefined Timelines**: Be wary of adding tasks without deciding on a specific timeframe for completion. Tasks without deadlines are more likely to linger and contribute to the clutter. 6. **Fear vs. Obligation**: Identify tasks that you've added out of obligation or fear, such as attending a networking event you're dreading. If the thought of it fills you with anxiety rather than excitement or purpose, it might be worth reconsidering. ## Kill your babies Not all tasks in our mental backlog are worth completing. Some are ideas whose time has passed, or ambitions that no longer align with our values. Recognising and accepting this can be liberating and can help refocus our energies on what truly matters. *Babies* here refer to your favourite projects that you have begun with such joy and love. Projects that were very important to you at one point. However, *they no longer align with your personal motivations and holding onto them is a negative investment of resources*. In December 2023, I had decided to build out an end-to-end data processing solution to showcase my abilities on a tech blog. This was supposed to be my way of *increasing my online influence*. And I spent a couple of hours a day for a week designing it. I loved it!  And ... I intended to complete this on my 1-month vacation to India, after spending the last 11 months hustling relentlessly in London in my day job. Though I started it off with great excitement, once I got to my parents' house in India, I realised I *didn't really give a crap about an entire end-to-end data processing solution during my vacation*. Having downtime was far more important to revitalise myself before joining back again into the grind. > So, I killed it. I killed my baby. And it brought me peace. Kill your babies. Be ruthless. Swallow the guilt instead of being slowed down by deadweight. ## Conclusion Managing our mental backlog is not just about getting things done. It's a journey towards greater mental clarity and wellbeing. Periodically reviewing and realigning our backlogs with our current priorities and values is essential. In doing so, we not only become more productive but also more at peace with the choices we make and the tasks we decide to leave unfinished. Remember, the mental backlog is a part of life, but it doesn’t have to control every aspect of our life. With the right strategies and mindset, we can turn this invisible burden into a powerful tool for personal growth and fulfilment.