Intimacy is usually treated as a mystical accident, an overly romanticized and unconscious occurrence. We imagine it takes place after wine in a dimly lit restaurant with a boon companion. More typically, this word is understood as a feeling of closeness in the context of romance or sex. Yet, in this series, I want to introduce intimacy as the process of making oneself be seen and known, whether by oneself or another. The emphasis here is on seeing: knowing: transparency of self. This shift requires us to strip intimacy of its romanticized mystique and understand it not as a fleeting, accidental feeling but as a deliberate and attainable practice. There are concrete ways to create the conditions for this depth of connection. I believe that our capacity to cultivate intimacy is decisive to the humane development of all endeavors. In order to introduce this new series, The Architecture of Intimacy, there are 3 things from the work of [[[Christopher Alexander]]](https://ptp.voyage/journal/12/#hackerculture) I must borrow from: **1/ Livingness in Relationships:**  [[Christopher Alexander|Alexander]] devoted his life to empirically studying the guiding force behind all life-affirming systems—a concept he initially called The Quality Without a Name and later on, Livingness (or Vitality / Lebendigkeit). I want to call it [[aliveness]], using the adjective form as the root word. When viewed through the lens of human relationships, the feeling of Aliveness is our experience of intimacy. When we reach a state of intimacy—of truly seeing and being seen—life-expanding creativity, effective communication, harmonious collaboration, and organic care naturally arise. **2/ Pattern Theory for Intimacy:**  According to [[Christopher Alexander|Alexander]], all beautiful things, events, and systems are made by taking incremental steps in the right direction of Aliveness. By probing existing human traditions and communities, I want to uncover the architecture of intimacy—the properties and patterns that enhance meaningful connections. My purpose is to increase the chance of meaningful observations and experiences by offering us a language to communicate them. Enabling more people to participate in the design process of relationships. **3/ Shared Feelings: The Root of Living Systems:**  [[Christopher Alexander|Alexander]] and his colleagues did one thing differently than other theorists of their time: They believed that everything has its roots in the reality of human feelings and that these emotions are usually shared. “Differences take up only 10% of our feelings; 90% of our emotions are shared” (quoted by [Helmut Leitner in Pattern Theory](https://www.amazon.com/Pattern-Theory-Introduction-Perspectives-Christopher/dp/1505637430)). By tapping into these shared feelings, we arrive at the timeless ways of living that are abundant, joyous, and love-centered. But the only way to get there is through going within: This knowledge is always found in our sensitivity and self-knowledge, not in the world around us or in what we have learned. In other words, Aliveness is not only the process of intimacy, it is only achieved through intimacy. Following the discovery reported in journal 12, [where the quality of relationships is a reflection of the revolutions we are creating in the world](https://ptp.voyage/journal/12/#whatslovegottodowithit), this series recognizes relationships as the art of creating living order in systems. Plus, it wishes to give our experience of relationships as much life as possible, instead of remaining in the Zombie Mode typical of our modern world, which is characterized by disconnection and unconscious repetitions. Just like how musicians can train their auditory sensitivity, a sensitivity for Living Relationships is trainable. I propose we attempt probing it here at PTP.