# How to remember who we are ## Confused? So am I Have you ever found yourself suddenly "awake", as if you have been on autopilot, not sure what just happened? This "awakening" can be as little as "how did I get here" moments or "what was I just doing" and as large as an existential crisis such as "what I am doing with my life". We humans are naturally [[Curiosity|curious]]; we tend to [[sense seeking creatures|seek]] causality, even when [[Correlation is not causation|it isn't really there]]. These questions pop up once in a while from our subconscious, reminding us that there are some unresolved thoughts or feelings, some voice inside us that tries to bring us back on track. The "bigger" the question, the harder it is to resolve. Life, especially on autopilot, is like playing a game of "musical chairs in a kitchen". Imagine a group of people, where each person has only 15 minutes to cook something before they have to switch with someone else, leaving no instructions or clues. You could imagine our quickly it can turn into a disaster. In life, it is if every moment a new "us" enters the picture, trying to make sense of what has happened before, and what can we do now. These moments are confusion are exactly when we have failed to put the pieces of our lives together, that we can't connect anymore to our unifying [[narratives|narrative]], if we even have one. In our cooking example, we might choose to start over, throwing away past investments to the trash, or going with the flow and creating something edible at best. Imagine the same scenario, but this time all the cooks had a shared recipe, and they could leave a note to each other before they switch. Instead of a mess in the kitchen, we would probably get a decent meal. The same can be done in our personal lives. We often expect too much of ourselves, that we would be able to remember everything in our minds, despite quickly losing focus and forgetting, even things as important as our identity, our values, our goals and what brings us meaning in life. We are not a goldfish, but not a computer either, and even these can be overloaded and crash. To prevent this crisis from happen we need to offload, to have a record of our thoughts, our identity, to help us remember the most important things exactly when we need to. While offloading may sound like we let something external take control of us, it's exactly the opposite. It will be our words, our thoughts, our time capsules of identities that will echo back to us. Journaling is a simple yet profound solution, with three main advantages: 1. Remembering the past 2. Understanding the present 3. Planning for the future ## Remembering the past We now live in a world where we have to navigate the constant, endless sea of content on own own, while everyone else is vying for our [[Attention Economy|attention]] (or our wallet's) for as much as possible. In this Pavlovian world of notifications, it’s no wonder that we can only [[focus|concentrate]] for a few minutes before feeling the urge to switch to something else. This often leads to three unfortunate outcomes: 1. **The important is forgotten** - We tend to [[Forgetfulness|forget]] things a lot. It could be birthdays, tasks that need to be completed, or, most importantly, our most valuable moments. Time spent with friends and family, unique experiences, or even just enjoying the little things in life. Whether because we [[Multitasking doesnt exist|aren't fully present]] physically or mentally, those moments tend to drift away if we don't pay attention. 2. **Change is unnoticeable** - Without a clear record of our mental state at different times, we might assume that we've always believed what we believe today, that we share values, thoughts, and feelings with our past selves. [[Habits (MOC)|Habits]] deeply entrenched in our minds feel as if they have always been there. The present is hard enough to process through our current lens, so imagining what our past self would have thought is practically impossible. 3. **Value requires reflection** - We don't always appreciate what we have or experience the first time around. Sometimes it takes years for the [[introspection|importance to sink in]] and change us forever. If the message is lost before we reach that stage, we will never be able to benefit from this understanding. ## Understanding the Present When we are bombarded with so much information vying for our attention, it is not surprising if we fail to notice the more subtle cues that hide in plain sight, since [[streetlight effect|not everything worth saying is necessarily being told]]. There's a famous story about a policeman who sees a drunk man searching for something under a streetlight and asks what he has lost. The man says he lost his keys, and they both search under the streetlight together. After a few minutes, the policeman asks if he is sure he lost them there, and the drunk replies no, that he lost them in the park. When the policeman asks why he's searching under the streetlight, the drunk replies, "this is where the light is." If we focus only on what we "see," we will likely miss the important things that are a bit harder to perceive. For example, [[Theory of Mind|we can't see into the minds of others]]. Sometimes we are not necessarily [[Self-awareness|aware]] of our own thoughts, so how could we know what others are thinking? Instead of asking others to be more transparent, we default to making false assumptions. And you know what they say about those who assume... To make things worse, we also have the tendency to [[Just World Bias|assume the worst]]. If someone does something wrong, we assume it was intentional, if they fail to do something good, we assume it's because they don't care. Another common false assumption is thinking that others see the world the same way we do, whether it’s due to shared information, beliefs, or values. A well known experiment tests children by placing them in a room with an adult who hides an object in Box A. The adult then leaves the room, and the experimenter moves the object from Box A to Box B. The child is asked where the adult will search for the object when they return. Those who answer B do not realize their knowledge is not "automatically" shared with everyone. It might seem easy to outsmart this (after all, it’s a children’s test), but adults fail too. For example, I might expect something from my partner simply because "I thought I told you about it," or because "I thought you knew me well enough that it goes without saying." These cases often end in arguments caused by miscommunication that could have been easily [[Don't be a black box, give us a hint! (synthesis)|resolved]]. Lastly, it might not be others we are failing to understand, but the situation as a whole. We often lack [[Context]], which usually requires remembering what has happened before and why (do you remember the previous chapter?). Focusing only on what's in front of us without context could cause us to miss the meaning of what we're doing. For example, going to the gym without remembering how you felt afterward or the sense of satisfaction when you weigh yourself each weekend could easily make you lose interest in going again. Similarly, small incremental changes might be too minor to notice daily, but looking back over a month or a year can make them much more noticeable. For example, reading just 10 pages a day sounds insignificant, but it adds up to a book a month, which is actually quite a lot. ## Preparing for the Future A famous quote says, "Those who don't learn from history are bound to repeat it." While not all learning is writing (although [[Feynman Technique|some]] might argue otherwise), writing things down significantly increases the likelihood that we will remember them. By documenting our thoughts - what we did well, what went wrong, we're much more likely to internalize those lessons and act differently in the future. Building on this, writing can help us detect patterns. When we develop a habit of writing regularly, we are more likely to notice recurring behaviors over time. As imperfect humans, we might make the same mistake twice or even a third time. In such cases, writing can help us identify these patterns, provide a stable source of [[spaced repetition|learning]], and serve as a foundation for possible solutions. For example, if we jot down all the instances where we failed to stick to our routines, it might prompt us to think about why that is. Perhaps it's because a part of us [[Emotional Aikido - turn chaos into momentum (synthesis)|resists]] it, or maybe we just need to [[motivational scheduling|plan]] better to align with our motivation. However, merely writing without [[Periodical Review|reviewing]] what we've written is similar to hoping we can remember everything without any aid - but that’s a topic for another post. ## So how do we start? The good thing about journaling is that it's personal. You decide when and how to write, and about what. Journaling is a practice that helps even if we never read again what we've written. The act itself of writing reengages us with our thoughts, turning the mess in our mind into a clear narrative. You could start with morning pages, where you write as soon as you wake up 1-3 pages of whatever you like. You can try bullet journaling, daily reviews, weekly reviews, carrying a small notepad and writing thoughts as they come up. Try, try different methods and see what resonates with you, and see what helps you remember the past, understanding the present, and planning for the future. It might be weird at first, staring at a blank page and starting a written conversation with... yourself? But you never know, you might like it, and someday, it might even get published:) ## Further Reading It wasn't the main message of any one book, but some books reference it [[How to think like a roman emperor (book)]] [[First Things First (book)]] [[The 12 week year (book)]] %% ## Development Summary:: Remembering, even parts as deep as our values and identity is something very difficult, especially as time progresses and we develop. To reduce moments of identity crisis, and keep a unifying narrative, it is important to maintain a journaling habit. It helps us remember the past, understand the present, and prepare for the future. pitch: "Who are we without our memories? As time shapes us, even our core values can feel distant. Journaling bridges the gap - helping us remember the past, understand the present, and prepare for the future. Dive in here: [link]" %%