# Emotional Aikido - Turn Chaos into Momentum ## Introduction We have all faced struggles in our lives, especially internal ones. It's as if we are made up of two distinct selves: the "[[System 2|Rational]] " side that strives for action without excuses, and the "[[System 1|emotional]]" side that prefers the easier, more enjoyable path. While we strongly feel these two separates sides and how often they clash, by viewing ourselves this way we are setting ourselves up for failure. This false dichotomy often leads us to ruin, whether through apathy, self-hatred, or losing track of what matters most. When we leave ourselves divided, we fail to benefit from the energy and determination of a unified whole, like trying to use bikes without handles, or alternatively a bike with no wheels. We need both to prosper. Today we'll discuss how to do just that, and I hope you've got your sweatshirts and headbands ready because I like to call this method *Emotional Aikido*. But first let's explain why each side is insufficient on its own, and how can we bring these two parts together. ## Why Can't I just "power through" *"Tomorrow I'll do better."* Famous first, and often last, words of many commitments. Unfortunately, most end up repeating the same negative routines. It could be going to the gym, starting that healthy diet, or calling friends and family. More often than not, these promises go unfulfilled. In modern times, perhaps since the great scientific revolution and the Enlightenment, we've placed too much trust in our brains. We believe that "if there is a will, there is a way," only to end up on the same path as before. What we need to understand is that [[Willpower is Limited]], and relying solely on "powering through" to achieve our goals is not only ineffective or delusional but can also be harmful. We tend to believe that willpower works like this: 1. **Motivation** - We start with motivation, perhaps sparked by a strong desire to change something in our lives. 2. **Action** - We begin to take action, aligning with our goals, and we feel as if it will be smooth sailing from now on. 3. **Change** - We start seeing changes resulting from these actions and embrace them wholeheartedly. However, this model is misleading, and our life experiences may have already shown us that it's not as simple as it seems. A more accurate representation of reality involves understanding that change is not always a guaranteed outcome when relying on rationality alone. Moreover, there are two infinite loops we can easily get trapped in if we aren't careful: the loops of [[Indifference|apathy]] and [[Procrastination]]. I call them the "why even try" and "why not tomorrow" cycles. Once we enter these loops, they can be incredibly difficult to escape. Therefore, the first step is to understand what causes us to fall into these loops in the first place. ### Why even Try? We often end up discouraged after a failure, which is almost inevitable. Maybe you accidentally skip a workout, the healthy diet isn't showing results, or you've had a rough day and just can't muster the strength to follow through. When these setbacks happen once or twice, we might be able to push through and reignite our motivation to start again. However, each failure can feel like a tiny puncture in a wheel; eventually, there's no air left to keep going. Instead of starting again, we simply [[Burnout|give up]]. The world starts to look like a pessimistic and [[Determinism|deterministic]] place, where failure seems predestined, so there's no point in even trying. Escaping this cycle is challenging because it requires us to "forget" the lessons we've learned the hard way and take a [[Leap Into Faith|leap]] and try again. Even when every fiber of our being tells us it's foolish to attempt something that can only lead to disappointment. Whether fueled by anger at the world, anger at ourselves, or both, falling into this pit of despair makes it incredibly difficult to climb back out. ### Why not Tomorrow A second infinite cycle, perhaps more elusive than the first, is the cycle of procrastination, the "why not tomorrow" loop. After all, you can't fail if you never try. Unlike the first cycle, it’s not that we lack motivation, we might even be genuinely optimistic about how our lives could improve when we will start to act differently. The problem is that "now is not the right time." The fear of [[Failure]] pushes us to set the bar so high for what we consider success that it becomes nearly unattainable. For example, what's the point of working out for just 20 minutes a week if a "good" workout must last at least 45 minutes? And since I don't have that much time right now, it's better not to do it at all. Or perhaps, we think that we are not yet worthy, for example [[Imposter Syndrome|who am I]] to write a blog post about productivity? I should read and study more until I'm absolutely certain I'm an expert on the topic. Until then, I won’t write a single word! If in the previous example, each failure was like a puncture in our tires, then here, we won't even start the car unless we have complete information about the road conditions, the state of the car, and are 100% certain we’ll reach our destination. ## Why Can't I just Do it when I Feel like it Just like with the rational side, there’s also the emotional side. Whether due to personal tastes, beliefs, or disappointment with rational approaches, we may shift to a mindset that relies on our internal world of emotions and sensations as the source of our actions, rather than cold, rational decision-making. For instance, we might believe that [[Life as Flow|life is like a flowing river]] that shouldn’t be controlled. Perhaps we realize that our disappointment with the rational approach stems from something within us resisting the change, so we decide to listen to our feelings, to our body, and do what feels right. This might sound similar to the "why not tomorrow" case, but the difference is that in that scenario, the desire was for complete control and knowledge before taking action. Here, it’s not about control but rather motivation. The driver isn’t concerned with the car or the road, they are simply not sure if they want to drive at all. Unlike the "why even try" scenario, it’s not that we believe it’s doomed from the start, we might even think that if we truly wanted to, we could succeed, we’re just not sure if we want to, or prefer to leave things to nature, fate or chance instead of being the driver ourselves. So, what’s wrong with this approach? Relying solely on internal feelings can lead to: 4. **Inconsistency** - Even with habits that feel most natural to us, we don’t always find the [[Intrinsic Motivation]] to stick with them. If we only act when we feel like it, our actions are likely to be inconsistent, which won't help us achieve our goals. For example, working out once a month is unlikely to yield the desired results. 5. **Imbalance** - On the other hand, we can sometimes get so caught up in what we're doing that we forget everything else. This sense of [[Flow]] is often a good thing, but without knowing [[When to Quit|when to stop]], it can lead to extreme outcomes, such as becoming a workaholic or developing a "one-track mind." 6. **Misalignment** - Not everything that feels good is necessarily good for us. Unfortunately, nearly everything, from food to mass media, has been engineered to affect us emotionally. If we use our biological tendencies as guides, we can sometimes be led astray by our emotions. ## The Solution? Emotional Aikido This is just one tool in our overarching plan to achieve [[harmonious self|balance]]. The main idea is simple: instead of fighting against yourself, work with yourself to achieve better results. But why call it "emotional aikido"? Aikido is a Japanese martial art often translated as "the path of harmony," where you act to preserve not only yourself but also your opponent, discouraging violence and aggression. The way to achieve this is by using your opponent's [[Momentum|momentum]] against them. An easy example: if an opponent is running at you, you can either stand your ground and fight, or step aside and trip them. In doing so, you use all their energy and momentum against them, turning their attack into their downfall. So how does this apply to our topic? The answer is perhaps simple to understand yet harder to implement: as with most things, the answer lies in the middle. Yes, we need to listen to our body and emotions when we act. Trying to "push through" and force ourselves to do something we don’t truly want is a waste of time. However, acting solely based on feelings lacks the structure, direction, and consistency provided by a rational approach. So, how do we connect these two parts? 7. **Know Thyself** - Regularly perform [[introspection|self-checks]], asking yourself how you feel in the moment and noticing patterns that arise. For instance, maybe you avoid working out because you're ashamed of how you look, or your motivation for writing comes from a desire to support others and help them learn from your mistakes. 8. **Plan with the Heart in Mind** - Now that we know what makes us tick, we can find ways to motivate ourselves without relying on sheer willpower. Techniques like [[Temptation Bundling]], [[Nudge|priming your environment]], and [[motivational scheduling]] are just a few examples. If we plan this way, we may slowly see ourselves beginning to [[Love what is good|enjoy doing what is good]], and those [[Friction|hard]] actions suddenly become [[Solve the easier problem|easier]]. 9. **Convert Failure to Fuel** - A common saying in [[Stoicism|Stoicism]] is that good or bad is a result of internal judgment, independent of external events. While this may not apply to every situation, we can certainly adopt this mindset regarding failure. By seeing failures as opportunities to [[Lifelong Learning|learn]] and [[Growth Mindset|grow]] rather than as a [[Fixed Mindset|mark]] of shame, we can completely shift our motivation. Failure means you’re not there yet, not that you can't get there. Sometimes, failure contains the lessons needed to ensure we don’t repeat it and achieve [[Mastery]], provided we spend enough time listening to it. We are not defined by our failures, but by how we respond to them. If instead of fighting ourselves, we listen, if instead of making it hard, we make it easy, if instead of getting angry, we get excited, then we have mastered emotional aikido. Our emotions, even the "bad ones" and perhaps especially the bad ones, such as jealously, envy, anger and frustration are the greatest source of fuel we have. Rather than being denied or ignored, they should be embraced. They are like a storm brewing with us, waiting for something to strike. It is the rational side's job to funnel that immense energy to a positive outlet, to ride that storm until we reach our destination. Fuel and direction, emotion and rationality, we need them both. ## Conclusion We've explored two models of thinking-to-action: one based on rationality and the other on emotionality. Each, when used in isolation, has its pitfalls: - **Rationality without emotions** leads to burnout, self-hatred, and procrastination. - **Emotions without rationality** result in inconsistency, misalignment, and imbalance. But when combined, these two approaches create a powerful synergy that is greater than the sum of its parts. The rational side offers direction and structure, while the emotional side provides the fuel. By merging them, you can work smart, not hard. And as a bonus, this blend not only enhances productivity but also fosters balance and well-being in life. 😊 ## Visualization ![[emotional_aikido_post.png]] # Further Reading: [[Ego Is The Enemy (book)]] [[The Obstacle Is the Way (book)]] [[Mindset (book)]] [[Flow (book)]] %% # Development Summary:: two methods of action, the rational and the emotional side. rationality without emotions - burnout, self hatred, procrastination emotional without rationality - inconsistency, misalignment, unbalanced together - rational gives direction and structure, emotional brings fuel. work smart, not hard. You get not only productivity (because you don't have to fight yourself), but also find harmony in life as flow. harmony connects to council of self (link to other post) pitch: I always thought I needed to suppress negative emotions, that anger, jealousy, and frustration, are harmful to my wellbeing Apparently, I was wrong Fulfilling the life we want, aka productivity, was never about being a cold, rational, practical person. In that view, every emotion is either a distraction or a setback. This couldn't be further from the truth Emotions, even (and perhaps especially) "negative ones" are the very source of our motivation, our fuel for action, an amazing source of energy. Like a trained martial artist, the best way to win is to use the opponent's momentum against them. Similarly, our emotions are a pure source of momentum, so instead of ignoring or fighting them, we must redirect them. We should incorporate both "sides" of ourselves, the "logical" for guidance and direction, and the "emotional" for energy and motivation. Read the full article here - sign up for my newsletter here - %%