# The Happiness Advantage
## đConnect
Topic:: [[Wellbeing (MOC)]]
## âď¸ Note-Making
### đĄClarify
đ *Summary of main ideas*
1. **Success results from happiness, not the other way around** - Reduced stress, higher productivity and creativity, are all the results of being happy. The "work hard and you'll be happy eventually" is wrong both because happiness is internal, and because success relies on happiness, it can't be achieved without it.
2. **Happiness is a matter of perspective, not circumstances**
3. **Principles of happiness**:
1. *The happiness advantage* - Be kind to yourself and others. Focus on physical and mental health, and do acts of kindness. Focus on experiences and your specialty.
2. *The fulcrum and the lever*- our mindset is the best tool we have. The way we perceive things matters. Turning something from a negative judgment to a positive one can bring us motivation and power, like a placebo effect for the body and mind. We can craft meaning for whatever we do, and this would be our fuel. Our beliefs shape our reality, and this is the most powerful tool we have, so better to believe in the positive.
3. *The Tetris effect* - what we focus on is what we get. Negativity brings stress and failure, positivity brings capabilities to detect and seize opportunities, it "creates" happiness and good in the world. So pay attention to how you spend your time and attention.
4. *Falling up* - positivity can help us rise from failures and turn them to steps towards our success and growth.
5. *The zorro circle* - Recognize what is within your control and what isn't. This will provide clarity and focus. Be aware that the initial circle is usually small. So start with small manageable goals and as your skill develops, it will expand with time.
6. *The 20 seconds rule* - we can't "willpower" our way to good behavior. The key is to use habit formation in our favor. To reduce friction, set good defaults, and design the environment to support good habits, and make bad habits harder.
7. *Social investment* - invest more in the greatest predictors of happiness, emotional resilience and success, our social support network. You are not alone. It is precisely in the difficult moments that you should strive to get closer to others, not isolate yourself.
### đď¸Relate
â *Life lessons, action items*
### đCritique
â
*by following this method, what will happen?*
Not just a more successful person, but a happier one. And once you make the change, the effect will ripple to your surroundings.
â *the logical jumps, holes or simply cases where it is wrong...*
Some of the principles are quite similar to one another, but perhaps the overlap is a feature, not a bug.
𧹠*Implementations and limitations of it are...*
### đ¨ď¸Review
đ *my opinions on the book, the writers style...*
The book is written in an appealing way. It is "down to earth", human, personal. It makes it much more fun, easy and engaging to read. The book is well divided, clear and just at the right length.
### đźď¸Outline
![[The Happiness Advantage (book).webp]]
## đ Notes
### Part 1 - Positive Psychology at Work
#### Introduction
We tend to think that happiness follows success, that once we have that promotion, get that car, then we will finally be happy (Aka:: [[Future disillusionment]]). Not only that that isn't true, that success doesn't bring happiness (Aka:: [[Hedonic Treadmill]]), but it's also the opposite (Aka:: [[Reverse Thinking|Inverse]]). **It is those who are happy that have the motivation and edge to be successful**, to overcome obstacles and seek to improve
This is **the happiness advantage**
> [!Quote]- INTRODUCTION
> - happiness is the precursor to success, not merely the result. And that happiness and optimism actually fuel performance and achievementâgiving ([Location 51](https://readwise.io/to_kindle?action=open&asin=B003F3PMYI&location=51))
#### Discovering the Happiness Advantage
Psychology used to be trapped in the "cult of the average", to seek only what is wrong with people and see how we can restore them "back to normal". The problem is that if we focus on the average, the best case is that we'll get the average. We will miss out those that "there's nothing wrong with them", and explore what brings them to excellence (Related:: [[Imitation|Best Practice]]) (Reminds:: [[streetlight effect]]).
We have found out that **our perception of reality has a great influence on reality itself**. (Aka:: [[Subjective Reality|Perception]]). It is those who think positively and are grateful for what they have that are able to (Aka:: [[Grit]]) through the difficulties in life, and can detect the opportunities for success and achieve it. **The world belongs to the optimists** (Supports:: [[Optimism]]) (Reminds:: [[fake it till you make it]]).
Those who think that happiness should be sacrificed in order to achieve success not only fail to achieve it, but are also much more likely to experience (Jump:: [[Depression]]), anxiety, (Aka:: [[Stress]]) and (Jump:: [[Loneliness|isolation]]). While it is the opposite, **keeping our brain positive and maintaining social relations is the key not only to happiness but also success**. Heartless grit will only get you down.
The seven principles of positive psychology
1. **The happiness advantage** - a positive mind has an advantage over a neutral or negative one.
2. **The fulcrum and the lever**- our mindset determines how we experience the world and our ability to succeed in it
3. **The Tetris effect** - what we focus on is what we get. Negativity brings stress and failure, positivity brings capabilities to detect and seize opportunities
4. **Falling up** - positivity can help us rise from failures and turn them to steps towards our success
5. **The zorro circle** - start by focusing on small manageable goals and gradually expand to avoid negative effects of emotions and feelings of overwhelmed
6. **The 20 seconds rule** - by making small changes we can replace negative habits with good ones and avoid the willpower trap
7. **Social investment** - invest more in the greatest predictors of happiness and success, our social support network. You are not alone.
> [!Quote]- DISCOVERING THE HAPPINESS ADVANTAGE
> - our interpretation of reality changes our experience of that reality. ([Location 92](https://readwise.io/to_kindle?action=open&asin=B003F3PMYI&location=92))
> - If we study merely what is average, ([Location 139](https://readwise.io/to_kindle?action=open&asin=B003F3PMYI&location=139))
> - If all you strive for is diminishing the bad, youâll only attain the average and youâll miss out entirely on the opportunity to exceed the average. ([Location 149](https://readwise.io/to_kindle?action=open&asin=B003F3PMYI&location=149))
> - what we spend our time and mental energy focusing on can indeed become our reality. ([Location 163](https://readwise.io/to_kindle?action=open&asin=B003F3PMYI&location=163))
> - we needed to study what works, not just what is broken. ([Location 166](https://readwise.io/to_kindle?action=open&asin=B003F3PMYI&location=166))
> - social relationships are the best guarantee of heightened well-being and lowered stress, both an antidote for depression and a prescription for high performance. ([Location 199](https://readwise.io/to_kindle?action=open&asin=B003F3PMYI&location=199))
> - We become more successful when we are happier and more positive. ([Location 205](https://readwise.io/to_kindle?action=open&asin=B003F3PMYI&location=205))
> - our brains are literally hardwired to perform at their best not when they are negative or even neutral, but when they are positive. ([Location 209](https://readwise.io/to_kindle?action=open&asin=B003F3PMYI&location=209))
#### The Happiness Advantage at Work
The power of positive psychology is largely unknown to the world, and it's a shame because this is the tool box that can help overcome obstacles, seize opportunities, build good habits and achieve our goals. It's not just "putting a smiley face", ignoring our problems or "wish them away". It's not nativity, it's positivity despite adversity.
> [!Quote]- THE HAPPINESS ADVANTAGE AT WORK
> - They can help you overcome obstacles, reverse bad habits, become more efficient and productive, make the most of opportunities, and help you to conquer your most ambitious goalsâin life and in work. In essence, they are a set of seven tools you can use to achieve more every day. Here is what they will not do. They will not tell you to paint on a happy face, use âpositive thinkingâ to wish away your problems, or worse, to pretend your problems donât exist. ([Location 334](https://readwise.io/to_kindle?action=open&asin=B003F3PMYI&location=334))
> - Happiness is not the belief that we donât need to change; it is the realization that we can. ([Location 343](https://readwise.io/to_kindle?action=open&asin=B003F3PMYI&location=343))
> - we can rewire our brains to be more positive, creative, resilient, and productiveâto see more possibility wherever we look. ([Location 420](https://readwise.io/to_kindle?action=open&asin=B003F3PMYI&location=420))
> - Far too often, just having the knowledge is not enough to change our behavior and create real, lasting change. ([Location 455](https://readwise.io/to_kindle?action=open&asin=B003F3PMYI&location=455))
#### Change is Possible
One of the most harmful perceptions is that we are fixed(Aka:: [[Fixed Mindset]]). **The happiness advantage is based on the assumption that we can change**, otherwise it is completely worthless to those who are currently unhappy.
Luckily, we can do just that. Thanks to (Related:: [[Neuroplasticity]]), our brain has the ability to adapt and develop based on what we do. **Change is always possible**.
### The Seven Principles
#### The Happiness Advantage
This revelation is similar to the Copernicus reversal. Happiness precedes success, not the result of it. Therefore all **the old models of "work hard and one day you'll enjoy the fruit of your success" are simply false** (Opposes:: [[Hustle Culture]]). Happiness is not a one size fits all, it's very subjective. It usually involves both personal growth, social interaction, fulfilling potential, and enjoyment.
Happiness improves our behavior by improving:
1. Creativity
2. Physical health
3. Motivation
4. Reduces stress and anxiety
To become happier, we don't need a huge win. Even something as small as getting a complement, a gift, taking a walk or watching something funny is enough to trigger the benefits, at least for the short term.
While we will always bounce back to our hedonic treadmill, with time, **we can actually increase our base level such that we'll be happier on average**.
Some examples to daily things we can do that improve happiness:
1. (Aka:: [[Meditation]])
2. Look forward to something - have something in the future that you just "can't wait to happen" (Related:: [[Expectations]])
3. Kindness to others (Aka:: [[Giving]])
4. Environmental design that supports positivity - like taking a nature walk, putting photos of your loved ones, etc (Aka:: [[Nudge|Environmental design]])
5. Exercise (Aka:: [[physical activity]])
6. Invest in experiences - instead of buying stuff, go for experiences with those you care about (Aka:: [[experiences]])
7. Do what you're good at - express yourself through your signature strength, your uniqueness (Related:: [[Competitive Advantage]])
At work, **giving praises, time for socializing** and leisure time during work and having home life balance **is not a "nice to have", it is one of the best return on investment you can make** (Supports:: [[People First]]). Also, the more public it is, the more others see that you care for their happiness, that you spread praises, it creates a "(Related:: [[Ripple effect]]) in the organization.
The (aka:: [[losada line]]) says that a company has to have a 3:1 positive to negative interaction in order to be successful.
> [!Quote]- THE HAPPINESS ADVANTAGE
> - When we are happyâwhen our mindset and mood are positiveâwe are smarter, more motivated, and thus more successful. Happiness is the center, and success revolves around it. ([Location 480](https://readwise.io/to_kindle?action=open&asin=B003F3PMYI&location=480))
> - The most successful people, the ones with the competitive edge, donât look to happiness as some distant reward for their achievements, nor grind through their days on neutral or negative; they are the ones who capitalize on the positive and reap the rewards at every turn. ([Location 487](https://readwise.io/to_kindle?action=open&asin=B003F3PMYI&location=487))
> - there is no single meaning; happiness is relative to the person experiencing it. ([Location 509](https://readwise.io/to_kindle?action=open&asin=B003F3PMYI&location=509))
> - happiness precedes important outcomes and indicators of thriving.â ([Location 547](https://readwise.io/to_kindle?action=open&asin=B003F3PMYI&location=547))
> - Positive emotions can begin to open our eyes and minds to new solutions and ideas ([Location 613](https://readwise.io/to_kindle?action=open&asin=B003F3PMYI&location=613))
> - Even the smallest shots of positivity can give someone a serious competitive edge. ([Location 646](https://readwise.io/to_kindle?action=open&asin=B003F3PMYI&location=646))
> - While we each have a happiness baseline that we fluctuate around on a daily basis, with concerted effort, we can raise that baseline permanently so that even when we are going up and down, we are doing so at a higher level. ([Location 686](https://readwise.io/to_kindle?action=open&asin=B003F3PMYI&location=686))
> - sacrificing positivity in the name of time management and efficiency actually slows us down. ([Location 799](https://readwise.io/to_kindle?action=open&asin=B003F3PMYI&location=799))
#### The Fulcrum and the Lever
Having the right mindset is like placing a lever in the right place. it functions as a (Related:: [[Multiplier]]) for ourselves, so **instead of just applying more force, we just need to shift the focal point** (our mindset). Since the brains resources are limited, **we have to choose whether to focus on the negative, on fears and doubts, or on positivity, gratitude and self confidence, and this choice is crucial.**
Mindset has a huge effect on our mental and physical wellbeing. Like a (Aka:: [[Placebo effect]]), it can cause us to fill younger, improve our health, memory, intelligence, and even reduce symptoms of illness. (Aka:: [[Mind-body connection]]). Our expectations of reality are similar in power to reality itself or even more powerful. Only 10% of our happiness is based on external circumstances. (Related:: [[Happiness is an internal state]])
First, we can use this effect for our own wellbeing. For example at work, we can create or find meaning in order to see our daily tasks not as boring, but as part of a whole that supports a higher cause (Related:: [[job crafting]]). This is what turns a job into a calling. It doesn't matter what you do, which role you have. **Without meaning you will burnout, and only with meaning will you thrive**.
Second, **we can use this power to empower others. Our expectations from others are self fulfilling**. If we see our team as intrinsically motivated, as searching for meaning, as intellectual workers capable of growth and learning, such it will be, and vice versa if we see them as money seeking, lazy, and stupid. Fixed and growth mindset have a huge effect not only on ourselves.
It is hard to find the border between being delusional and stretching out limits further and further, but currently most of us are stuck within the low esteem end of the scale.
> [!Quote]- THE FULCRUM AND THE LEVER
> - Because our brainâs resources are limited, we are left with a choice: to use those finite resources to see only pain, negativity, stress, and uncertainty, or to use those resources to look at things through a lens of gratitude, hope, resilience, optimism, and meaning. ([Location 894](https://readwise.io/to_kindle?action=open&asin=B003F3PMYI&location=894))
> - while we of course canât change reality through sheer force of will alone, we can use our brain to change how we process the world, and that in turn changes how we react to it. ([Location 896](https://readwise.io/to_kindle?action=open&asin=B003F3PMYI&location=896))
> - our expectations create brain patterns that can be just as real as those created by events in the real world. ([Location 998](https://readwise.io/to_kindle?action=open&asin=B003F3PMYI&location=998))
> - The mental construction of our daily activities, more than the activity itself, defines our reality. ([Location 1011](https://readwise.io/to_kindle?action=open&asin=B003F3PMYI&location=1011))
> - When we reconnect ourselves with the pleasure of the âmeans,â as opposed to only focusing on the âends,â we adopt a mindset more conducive not only to enjoyment, but to better results. ([Location 1038](https://readwise.io/to_kindle?action=open&asin=B003F3PMYI&location=1038))
> - the more you believe in your own ability to succeed, the more likely it is that you will. ([Location 1055](https://readwise.io/to_kindle?action=open&asin=B003F3PMYI&location=1055))
> - when faced with a difficult task or challenge, give yourself an immediate competitive advantage by focusing on all the reasons you will succeed, rather than fail. ([Location 1079](https://readwise.io/to_kindle?action=open&asin=B003F3PMYI&location=1079))
> - When we believe there will be a positive payoff for our effort, we work harder instead of succumbing to helplessness. ([Location 1105](https://readwise.io/to_kindle?action=open&asin=B003F3PMYI&location=1105))
> - Once we realize how much our reality depends on how we view it, it comes as less of a surprise that our external circumstances predict only about 10 percent of our total happiness. ([Location 1116](https://readwise.io/to_kindle?action=open&asin=B003F3PMYI&location=1116))
> - The more we can align our daily tasks with our personal vision, the more likely we are to see work as a calling. ([Location 1151](https://readwise.io/to_kindle?action=open&asin=B003F3PMYI&location=1151))
> - You can have the best job in the world, but if you canât find the meaning in it, you wonât enjoy it, ([Location 1178](https://readwise.io/to_kindle?action=open&asin=B003F3PMYI&location=1178))
#### The Tetris Effect
What we dedicate time to, is how we see the world For example, a detective that relies on spotting lies, would see the world through the eyes of "is he lying to me? What's his motive?" Suspicion would transform from a tool to a perspective. The problem is that we are bad at compartmentalizing. Perspectives cross contexts such that this detective will constantly question his friends and relatives. A lawyer would look for motives, an athlete would be competitive, and an auditor would look for mistakes. **The border between a helpful perspective in one setting to where it's not useful is thin, and what we do most of the time will be the prevailing perspective.** (Related:: [[you get what you repeat]]) (Opposes:: [[Cognitive Distancing|What we do is not who we are]])
The harm is **when we focus on the negative, we lose the benefits of the happiness advantage**. We are more prone to stress, failures, and to detach ourselves from others. Once we start to focus on the negative, it becomes all that we see. (Related:: [[Visibility]]). It's a vicious cycle that feeds itself. Our brain learns to filter out all that is not what were interested in, so we become more proficient in detecting it. Since reality is somewhat subjective, we might cross the line to assuming or projecting negativity where there's none. It's called unintentional blindness.
The name Tetris effect comes from a research about people who played Tetris for a long period of time, and ended up seeing everything as "Tetris shapes", the items in a grocery, the buildings, etc.
What we want to have is the reverse, a positive Tetris effect. To see the good everywhere. Not only it will direct our attention to beneficial things, but also cause us to miss the "bad ones".
**When we focus on the positive, we become more happy, grateful and optimistic. We are more likely to see opportunities as they rise**.
By practicing (Aka:: [[Gratitude]]), we direct our attention towards the good, and with time create a positive Tetris effect
> [!Quote]- THE TETRIS EFFECT
> - the consistent play was creating new neural pathways, new connections that warped the way they viewed real-life situations. ([Location 1297](https://readwise.io/to_kindle?action=open&asin=B003F3PMYI&location=1297))
> - These people usually arenât trying to be difficult or grumpy. Their brains are just really outstanding at scanning their environment for negativesâat immediately spotting the annoyances and stresses and hassles. ([Location 1307](https://readwise.io/to_kindle?action=open&asin=B003F3PMYI&location=1307))
> - The problem is that if we get stuck in only that pattern, always looking for and picking up on the negative, even a paradise can become a hell. And worse, the better we get at scanning for the negative, the more we miss out on the positiveâthose ([Location 1312](https://readwise.io/to_kindle?action=open&asin=B003F3PMYI&location=1312))
> - Constantly scanning the world for the negative comes with a great cost. It undercuts our creativity, raises our stress levels, and lowers our motivation and ability to accomplish goals. ([Location 1320](https://readwise.io/to_kindle?action=open&asin=B003F3PMYI&location=1320))
> - When our brains constantly scan for and focus on the positive, we profit from three of the most important tools available to us: happiness, gratitude, and optimism. ([Location 1416](https://readwise.io/to_kindle?action=open&asin=B003F3PMYI&location=1416))
> - Optimists also cope better in high stress situations and are better able to maintain high levels of well-being during times of hardshipâall ([Location 1430](https://readwise.io/to_kindle?action=open&asin=B003F3PMYI&location=1430))
> - When someone is stuck in a Negative Tetris Effect, his brain is quite literally incapable of seeing these opportunities. But armed with positivity, the brain stays open to possibility. Psychologists call this âpredictive encodingâ: Priming yourself to expect a favorable outcome actually encodes your brain to recognize the outcome when it does in fact arise. ([Location 1448](https://readwise.io/to_kindle?action=open&asin=B003F3PMYI&location=1448))
> - we can build this Tetris Effect only through consistency. As with any skill, the more we practice, the more easily and naturally it comes. ([Location 1491](https://readwise.io/to_kindle?action=open&asin=B003F3PMYI&location=1491))
> - The key, then, is not to completely shut out all the bad, all the time, but to have a reasonable, realistic, healthy sense of optimism. ([Location 1521](https://readwise.io/to_kindle?action=open&asin=B003F3PMYI&location=1521))
#### Falling up
When we fail, we have three options:
1. Path down - into despair and pessimism, to become worse than we were
2. Path around - to be unchanged by it, we stay the same
3. Path up - to use the obstacle as a stepping stone for becoming better, for learning
Seeing a path up (Aka:: [[Creative Destruction|Post Traumatic Growth]]) is not easy, but it is essential. The more we (Aka:: [[Failure|fail]]), the better we can get later on, because it gives us information on what works and what doesn't, which dangers might wait for us in the future. **It is those who perceive obstacles as an opportunity for growth that actually manage to grow from those situations**. A moment of crisis is also the easiest moment for change since the status quo is broken anyway, an opportunity which should be used. (Similar:: [[Clean Slate]])
One of the reasons we fail to see the path up is become we learn to be helpless. Once we fight a situation and lose, our lesson might be that resistance is futile, that there's no point in trying anymore. Even if it is in a completely different context, our (Aka:: [[Helplessness]]) might carry from one to the other. From work to personal lives, for relationships to inner conflicts. Helplessness is problematic because it means that even on the cases where our actions could be helpful, we simply don't try, we give up in advance, and believe that the way up just doesn't exist.
To combat helplessness, we need to change our point of reference. Getting shot in the arm can be a great misfortune, or a great fortune if the alternative was to die, to be paralyzed, to see others get hurt too, etc. since our reaction is based on our point of reference, which is completely within our control, this means that the way we perceive the event is also within our control.
Also, remember that whatever we think during the crisis, usually has a smaller and shorter effect on our happiness than we realize. **We are resilient creatures, as long as we maintain the right mindset**.
> [!Quote]- FALLING UP
> - if we are able to conceive of a failure as an opportunity for growth, we are all the more likely to experience that growth. ([Location 1588](https://readwise.io/to_kindle?action=open&asin=B003F3PMYI&location=1588))
> - great suffering or trauma can actually lead to great positive change across a wide range of experiences. ([Location 1612](https://readwise.io/to_kindle?action=open&asin=B003F3PMYI&location=1612))
> - Peopleâs ability to find the path up rests largely on how they conceive of the cards they have been dealt, so the strategies that most often lead to Adversarial Growth include positive reinterpretation of the situation or event, optimism, acceptance, and coping mechanisms that include focusing on the problem head-on ([Location 1620](https://readwise.io/to_kindle?action=open&asin=B003F3PMYI&location=1620))
> - the people who can most successfully get themselves up off the mat are those who define themselves not by what has happened to them, but by what they can make out of what has happened. ([Location 1624](https://readwise.io/to_kindle?action=open&asin=B003F3PMYI&location=1624))
> - When people feel helpless in one area of life, they not only give up in that one area; they often âoverlearnâ the lesson and apply it to other situations. ([Location 1728](https://readwise.io/to_kindle?action=open&asin=B003F3PMYI&location=1728))
> - itâs not the adversity itself, but what we do with it that determines our fate. Some will sit helpless, while others gather their wits, capitalize on their strengths, and forge ahead. ([Location 1740](https://readwise.io/to_kindle?action=open&asin=B003F3PMYI&location=1740))
> - we actually have the power in any given situation to consciously select a counterfact that makes us feel fortunate rather than helpless. ([Location 1802](https://readwise.io/to_kindle?action=open&asin=B003F3PMYI&location=1802))
> - adversity never hits us quite as hardâor for quite as longâas we think it might. ([Location 1861](https://readwise.io/to_kindle?action=open&asin=B003F3PMYI&location=1861))
> - Success is about more than simple resilience. Itâs about using that downward momentum to propel ourselves in the opposite direction. Itâs about capitalizing on setbacks and adversity to become even happier, even more motivated, and even more successful. Itâs not falling down, itâs falling up. ([Location 1876](https://readwise.io/to_kindle?action=open&asin=B003F3PMYI&location=1876))
#### Zorro Circle
One way for achieving calm mastery is to focus on "circles of control", to distinguish between what's within our control and what isn't, and do the best we can about the things within our circle. (Related:: [[Acceptance]])
Usually this requires us (Aka:: [[System 2]]) functions, to be able to clear our own interpretation of what's happening, to postpone any automated response, and clearly analyze the situation. The problem is that even a small amount of stress can trigger (Aka:: [[System 1]]) and hijack our emotional state (and our behavior).
To regain control:
1. **Develop self awareness** - be always aware of your emotional state, what are you feeling and why. (Aka:: [[Journaling]]) and meditations are a good method for that. (Aka:: [[Self-awareness]])
2. **Draw the circle** - know what's within your limits and what isn't. This will bring you both calmness about all that's outside of it (because there's nothing you can do), and laser focus on what's inside (because now it's a much smaller circle)
3. **Expand the circle** - with time, as you develop your skills and mindset, you will realize how your circle of control grows with it
The last point is critical. Developing the circle takes time, which means we should (Aka:: [[Start Small]]), otherwise the challenge would be too difficult, and we will burnout (Aka:: [[Burnout]]) become helpless. That's why (Aka:: [[Balance Extremes|Moderation]]) is critical. Have a "just right" level of difficulty, and trust that it will push your limits with time.
> [!Quote]- THE ZORRO CIRCLE
> - If, however, we first concentrate our efforts on small manageable goals, we regain the feeling of control so crucial to performance. By first limiting the scope of our efforts, then watching those efforts have the intended effect, we accumulate the resources, knowledge, and confidence to expand the circle, gradually conquering a larger and larger area. ([Location 1902](https://readwise.io/to_kindle?action=open&asin=B003F3PMYI&location=1902))
> - The first goal we need to conquerâor circle we need to drawâis self-awareness. ([Location 2013](https://readwise.io/to_kindle?action=open&asin=B003F3PMYI&location=2013))
> - Once youâve mastered the self-awareness circle, your next goal should be to identify which aspects of the situation you have control over and which you donât. ([Location 2018](https://readwise.io/to_kindle?action=open&asin=B003F3PMYI&location=2018))
> - When the challenges we face are particularly challenging and the payoff remains far away, setting smaller, more manageable goals helps us build our confidence and celebrate our forward progress, and keeps us committed to the task at hand. ([Location 2053](https://readwise.io/to_kindle?action=open&asin=B003F3PMYI&location=2053))
> - the things of our lives have gained control over the functionality of our lives, and productivity suffers as a result. ([Location 2095](https://readwise.io/to_kindle?action=open&asin=B003F3PMYI&location=2095))
> - Small successes can add up to major achievements. All it takes is drawing that first circle in the sand. ([Location 2135](https://readwise.io/to_kindle?action=open&asin=B003F3PMYI&location=2135))
#### The 20 Seconds Rule
Knowing what to do is not the same as doing it (Aka:: [[Akrasia|Insight Gap]]). Something causes us to maintain old behavior despite knowing better. The answer is habits. Our brain learns to automate repeated behavior, so **once something has been transformed into a habit, it's hard to change back**. One way that doesn't work is to try to "willpower" our way out of a habit. Because (Related:: [[Willpower is Limited]]), any change would fail quickly and we will resort back to the path of least resistance.
Unfortunately, nowadays with the rise of the (Aka:: [[Attention Economy]]), (Aka:: [[Defaults]]) and (Aka:: [[Procrastination|Distractions]]) are the path of least resistance, and they are not built to help us, but rather work against us. **The solution is to make the better option easier to do, and the worse one harder**. Basically, the (Related:: [[the 20 seconds rule]]) is about (Aka:: [[Friction]]).
This is a combination of effort storing, setting good defaults and simplifying the choices by having fewer options. Once we have good habits set in place, good lasting and mostly easy change will come.
> [!Quote]- THE 20-SECOND RULE
> - in life, knowledge is only part of the battle. Without action, knowledge is often meaningless. ([Location 2156](https://readwise.io/to_kindle?action=open&asin=B003F3PMYI&location=2156))
> - habits form because our brain actually changes in response to frequent practice. ([Location 2201](https://readwise.io/to_kindle?action=open&asin=B003F3PMYI&location=2201))
> - The more we attempt to âstay strong,â the harder we eventually fallâusually ([Location 2246](https://readwise.io/to_kindle?action=open&asin=B003F3PMYI&location=2246))
> - default options are everywhere, shaping our choices and our behavior in all areas of our lives. ([Location 2327](https://readwise.io/to_kindle?action=open&asin=B003F3PMYI&location=2327))
> - distraction, always just one click away, has become the path of least resistance. ([Location 2377](https://readwise.io/to_kindle?action=open&asin=B003F3PMYI&location=2377))
> - Lower the activation energy for habits you want to adopt, and raise it for habits you want to avoid. ([Location 2392](https://readwise.io/to_kindle?action=open&asin=B003F3PMYI&location=2392))
> - Clever minds have come up with some creative ways to put barriers between ourselves and our vices. ([Location 2428](https://readwise.io/to_kindle?action=open&asin=B003F3PMYI&location=2428))
> - The less energy it takes to kick-start a positive habit, the more likely that habit will stick. ([Location 2487](https://readwise.io/to_kindle?action=open&asin=B003F3PMYI&location=2487))
> - setting rules in advance can free us from the constant barrage of willpower-depleting choices that make a real difference in our lives. ([Location 2493](https://readwise.io/to_kindle?action=open&asin=B003F3PMYI&location=2493))
> - The key to their useâto permanent, positive changeâis to create habits that automatically pay dividends, without continued concerted effort or extensive reserves of willpower. ([Location 2521](https://readwise.io/to_kindle?action=open&asin=B003F3PMYI&location=2521))
#### Social Investment
**Our connections to others is like an oxygen tank for an astronaut, we simply can't live without it**. Social connections not only provide more resilience, happiness and wisdom (Related:: [[peer support]]), it is also helpful for reduced stress. However our default is to isolate ourselves in our times of crisis, we when actually need to do the opposite.
As organizations, it is crucial to focus on people first, this creates trust and connection to your team, and to the company as a whole. **Create spaces, resources and time for people to simply connect, to be humane to one another, to bond**.
To cultivate relationships, express your gratitude, maintain eye contact, use the little moments to say hello and be (Reminds:: [[Curiosity|invested]]) in their wellbeing. Practice (Aka:: [[Active Listening]]), and react in a "positive and active way". For example, when someone says he was promoted, answer "I'm so happy for you, you truly deserve it. When is it going to happen?" Meaning a combination of an emotional reaction and a follow up.
> [!Quote]- SOCIAL INVESTMENT
> - nothing is more crucial to our success than holding on to the people around us. Yet when the alarm bells at work go off, all too often we become blind to this reality and try to go it alone; ([Location 2571](https://readwise.io/to_kindle?action=open&asin=B003F3PMYI&location=2571))
> - when we have a community of people we can count onâspouse, family, friends, colleaguesâwe multiply our emotional, intellectual, and physical resources. We bounce back from setbacks faster, accomplish more, and feel a greater sense of purpose. ([Location 2607](https://readwise.io/to_kindle?action=open&asin=B003F3PMYI&location=2607))
> - individuals who invest in their social support systems are simply better equipped to thrive in even the most difficult circumstances, while those who withdraw from the people around them effectively cut off every line of protection they have available, at the very moment they need them most. ([Location 2663](https://readwise.io/to_kindle?action=open&asin=B003F3PMYI&location=2663))
> - our social support prevents stress from knocking us down and getting in the way of our achieving our goals. ([Location 2684](https://readwise.io/to_kindle?action=open&asin=B003F3PMYI&location=2684))
> - the more the team members invest in their social cohesion, the better the results of their work. ([Location 2756](https://readwise.io/to_kindle?action=open&asin=B003F3PMYI&location=2756))
> - It is clearly in the best interest of everyone involvedâthe boss, the employee, and the organization as a wholeâto prioritize relationships. ([Location 2836](https://readwise.io/to_kindle?action=open&asin=B003F3PMYI&location=2836))
> - gratitude sparks an upward spiral of relationship growth where each individual feels motivated to strengthen the bond. ([Location 2922](https://readwise.io/to_kindle?action=open&asin=B003F3PMYI&location=2922))
### The Ripple Effect
#### Spreading the Happiness Advantage
Not only that there's a connectedness between all the difference principles, i.e the strengthen and lead to one another, but also a personal change can ripple out to others, bringing a change in them as well. Our (Aka:: [[Mirroring|Mirror neurons]]) create the initial spark, that causes an imitation of physical state, and then an emotional state. The more connected we are to others, the greater our influence over them.
> [!Quote]- SPREADING THE HAPPINESS ADVANTAGE
> - when you use these principles to make positive changes in your own life, you are unconsciously shaping the behavior of an incredible number of people. ([Location 2978](https://readwise.io/to_kindle?action=open&asin=B003F3PMYI&location=2978))
%%
# Excalidraw Data
## Text Elements
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Mind shapes reality ^otjcClpe
Recognize what you control ^7yC1ZkHs
Being kind to others brings kindness in turn,
and strengthen relationships that are key
for happiness ^xG6L73Ue
our perception ^8Fo1HMEP
stress
depression
helplessness ^0S3pmhTM
motivation
meaning
happiness ^EswPoSlr
We decide how to view reality,
focusing on mindful optimism
brings meaning, motivation and happiness ^MW6vhkUz
What we control ^IFr0xyHr
What we don't ^ICd5jVQP
Focus on what you can control,
remember that your environment
and perspective are a part of that ^3PgwEe35
The happiness advantage ^pnFr8mCK
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