# Admitting Our Faults ## Admitting Mistakes is Hard How hard is it to say "I'm wrong" or "I made a mistake"? Sometimes it feels that admitting our mistakes is even worse than the mistake itself. Perhaps we have failed to notice that we made a mistake, or that we hope we can fix it before anyone else can see, but when we admit it we turn in into reality, it becomes common knowledge. All of our faults, our imperfection and our "ugly sides" are now publicly displayed for everyone to see. It feels like an indication that we have failed as people, that not only our actions, but our identity is hurt, lacking, weak. I was (and somewhat still am) afraid of admitting I'm wrong. Whenever I get criticized, I immediately go into defensive mode. I deny, I redirect, I rage, because I feel that to listen and agree is a proof of my low worth. Although, deep inside, I now that these reactions are strong precisely because the feedback is true, that I have failed, as if by denying it I can change reality. ## The Hidden Cost of Denial While denying our [[Failure|mistakes]] makes us feel better on the short term, it's harmful in the long run. We prioritize our [[form vs essence|Ego]] over our growth. It means that instead of addressing these mistakes head on, we ignore them, which is a sure recipe of repeating them. It gets worse if on top of denying them we blame someone or something else, because this hurts not just our ability to deal with these specific mistakes, but also cultivates a mindset of helplessness, as if there was nothing you could have done differently, as if we are always right and perfect, and it is others who set us back. Ironically, by ignoring our mistakes we turn them from momentary errors to a permanent stain on our identity. We hide them because we fear we are truly worthless, incompetent. We give them power over our lives, over our identity. Removing their power is through taking ownership and accountability, by admitting them we show others that we are honest, that we can do better, that we wish to be better, that we don't let these moments define us, and that we take responsibility over our actions, our behavior, and not dismiss it or blame others when it's convenient. Identifying with our mistakes is the best way to overcome them. ## Actionable Tips: How to Embrace Your Mistakes - **Pause & Reflect** – When faced with criticism, instead of reacting defensively, take a moment to listen. Recognize that they are trying to help you, that they criticize the action, not your identity. - **Reframe Failure** – See mistakes as learning opportunities, not personal failures. Mistakes are valuable lessons, ones that we can learn only by examining them. - **Ask for Feedback** – Don't run away from feedback, embrace it. Constant feedback has preventative qualities, providing insights that will reduce the number and the degree of our mistakes. - **Be future oriented** – Analyze your mistakes in a forward looking way, focus on what you can do better next time. ## The Takeaway: The Power of Owning Your Mistakes Saying "I was wrong" is a liberating experience. By taking ownership over our mistakes, we are able to overcome them. There is nothing to be ashamed of, it is a proof of character, rather than a stain on one, to admit that we were wrong. As with failures in general, they are the stepping stones for our improvement, we try, we fail, we learn, to try to live without error is like trying to be the best painter in the world without ever holding a brush. Improving and failing are two sides of the same coin. So be proud, that you had the courage to try, the courage to step out of your comfort zone, and the courage to own your mistakes. ## Ask Yourself - When was the last time I admitted I was wrong? - How do I feel about myself when I make a mistake? - How do I handle mistakes? Is there a learning process afterwards? ![[admitting_our_faults_post.png]] %% # Development Summary:: No one wants to admit that they made a mistake, or that they are wrong, yet, as painful as it gets, it's necessary for our growth. By denying our flaws, we embed them into our identity. On the contrary, admitting them gives us clarity and distance to fix them, to grow beyond them, after all, we can't work on something if we don't recognize it needs fixing. "I made a mistake, and I take full responsibility" When have you last seen a post on LinkedIn that opens with this statement? We are so used to celebrating our achievements and our competence, that we equally try to hide and deny our mistakes I have made a mistake lately in my work, that was avoided in the last second before we sent the report to the client, only because I forced myself to review the details again despite the fact that they seemed obvious and simple. I knew that I could be wrong, that I can miss or misinterpret important details, so I put in place system and checks to reduce the chances of that. I would have never forced myself to reexamine my work repeatably if I thought that I am perfect, that I am incapable of making a mistake, or if I would regularly place the blame on others. Admitting our mistakes, first to ourselves and then to others is something to be embraced, encouraged, because it's essential for our growth and our wellbeing. Read the full post here - subscribe to my newsletter here - %%