Read this on [[01-11-2022]]; it adds to my understanding of Social/Cultural differences [[Social_Graces]], even in the local context. These ways of behaviour or communication can be observed. What I take away is understanding the person's "intention" and "effect". I wonder, though, whether there is only "one right" way to communicate. The communication theories and training, is there one right way? ^871974 --- [[03-Kazuya-Hara.pdf]] # The Concept of Omoiyari (Altruistic Sensitivity) in Japanese Relational Communication From Intercultural Communication Studies. The author explains that it's essential to understand this Japanese concept to understand how the Japanese communicate. ## What is Omoiyari? Altruism, sympathy, empathy, and prosocial behaviour. The foundation of omoiyari feelings can be covered with the concept of altruism. Altruism is other-oriented and self-sacrificial (Kerbs, 1975). **Omoiyari, It is like Empathy and being considerate.** When Japanese people feel another’s kindness toward them and see someone’s warm-hearted feelings, thoughts, and behaviors, they appreciate that person’s omoiyari. The primary meaning of omoiyari is “an individual’s sensitivity to imagine another’s feelings and personal affairs, including his or her circumstances” (Shinmura, 1991, p. 387, translated by Hara). **This value on omoiyari is highly valued in Japanese society.** In many surveys of public opinion, Japanese people have listed omoiyari as a key concept on which they put high value. Although omoiyari -based behavior and activity are seen across cultures, Japanese people are the ones who put the highest value on omoiyari all over the world (Kikuchi, 1988; Akanuma, 2004). **Japanese prefer ambiguity or indirect communication. Probably as a way to not place a burden on the listener** Kakai (2002) argues that Japanese prefer ambiguity or not disclosing of cancer to their family members. Behind such indirect communication and style is the psychological and cultural background of omoiyari. **This makes me think of the current psychotherapy idea that we must communicate what we need. Is that true? Or a western culture?** ## Psychological Aspects of Omoiyari **I forget myself and become "one" with you; understand your true intention, and anticipate what you need?** The first is that omoiyari does not include the concept of “otherness” (Akanuma, 2004). This means that omoiyari means to understand the other’s feelings, not taking one’s self-concept into consideration (Otsuka, 1991). In this assumption, there is a Japanese interpersonal view that puts high value on oneness with others. For example, Hamaguchi (1985) argues that Japanese people think that since affectionate mutual aid is essential, people should read mutual true intention, and the relationship once established must be respected as valuable. Oneness with others gets reinforced through mutual omoiyari. **It's not from a position of looking down on someone, or expecting a reward.** The second is that omiyari is neither based on pity from superiority nor on mechanistic give-and-take relations (Otsuka, 1991). The motivation of omoiyari is voluntary, and does not expect gratitude from others (Kikuchi, 1991). If a person expects any reward when they help others, that is not omoiyari. Such a reward-expecting behavior will not be respected but rather despised, and is against the virtue of omoiyari. **It is evaluated based on intention, even though the behaviour may be unhelpful, people judge whether you have omoiyari based on intention.** The third is that the value of omoiyari is evaluated based on purity of consideration of others. It goes without saying that the purer the consideration is, the more appreciated it is. However, such pure consideration of others occasionally contradicts its behavior. A commonly cited example is that physicians and family members are reluctant to directly disclose terminal diagnoses to patients because of omoiyari (Kakai 2001; Paton & Wicks, 1996). Such communication, which might be regarded as deception, will not be criticized by others because they know the family’s true feelings. Behind this type of communication, there is an unspoken assumption that true and honest feelings will be understood by others even though one’s behavior contradicts his or her psychological feelings. - -- This made me think if how Chinese people communicate, they don't say what they mean..? Wonder if it's related. [[🏠 030 Language and Psychology]] ## Behavioural Aspects of Omoiyari. There are four characteristics, 1. Being prosocial (but doesn't mean it will be accepted by others) 2. Not expecting a reward 3. The behaviour is accompanied by a kind of personal cost, self-sacrifice. 4. Voluntary **Japanese communication is often ambiguous and unclear, perhaps to protect the listener's feelings, but can be problematic (Then will the problem be solved?)** Japanese omoiyari behavior is uniquely seen in conflicting situations. For example, it is often stated that Japanese refer to avoid conflict rather than to try to resolve it. In such a situation, the Japanese are inclined to use ambiguous or euphemistic expressions with their bokashi (ambiguous) logic (Nayayama, 1986), and to use honne (true intentions) and tatemae (public principles) properly (Doi, 1985) so as not to hurt others’ feelings. Such a linguistic feature can be described as “the language of omoiyari,” and it is listener-oriented (Ando, 1986). Even to enemies, they do not tend to deliver a fatal blow. Such communication styles are represented in proverbs such as teki ni shio wo okuru (to show humanity even to one’s enemy) or bushi no nasake (samurai-like mercy). Omoiyari, however, is not always performed desirably. ## Negative Aspects of Omoiyari When the person with good intentions is giving the receiver burden. Like an elder meddling in a younger person's affair. The younger person cannot reject. Omoiyari does not always function as we hope. For example, overly imposing omoiyari on others might be a psychological burden or, even worse, an annoyance. This is called osekkai (meddlesome) and is the antithesis of empathetic understanding (Lebra, 1976). Especially when the elderly want to meddle in younger people’s affairs, the younger people cannot say “Please mind on your business.” This type of omoiyari could be considered osekkai. In the worst case scenario, when omoiyari is not accepted by the receiver as the source expected, the source might blame the receiver in his or her mind. This is called sakaurami (to think ill of a person who meant to be kind). At the point when the source feels sakaurami, however, his or her kindness to others is no longer regarded as omoiyari.