[[Books Index]] #loneliness [[On Loneliness MOC]] ## Chapter 3. Steps to Achieving Positive Solitude. - Phase 1: Awareness - Be aware of the feedback gap, and how we are using other things to entertain us, to distract us. Aware of myth and bias, or society. ^6e953f - Phase 2: Change - ## Chapter 4. Being alone in America ### What children learn about being alone. - In many culture, mothers is always with their babies. In the west, children are left on their own, because adults think that this time alone train babies to be "independent?". Over time, children learn to "be good", that means, being able to tolerate being alone. Spending time with others become a reward. Only if i can endure time by myself, i will be rewarded with time with others. - Instead of seeking solitude as a way to escape from the crowd. American children avoid being alone. - But the next passage, author contradicted by saying that children are occupied by lots of external preoccupations and education, they don't have time to be alone. - What is adult view/belief about children/youth being alone? Healthy or not healthy? why? - Stigma of being alone. - Peer pressure during adolescent to be in a group. - Traditional same sex friendship is useful for child to learn independence and to gain a sense of self before getting involved with the deep and complicated emotions attached to sex and love. - but now youth start to date earlier. - same sex friendship is suppose to be peer support, to help them develop their sense of self. ## Chapter 8. Finding Solace - Solace is the emotional experience of a soothing presence. A solacing presence you experience may be an actual or a remembered one. (Good, life giving experience, memories of an attachment figure). - Solace is evoked partly by ourselves, and partly by symbolic objects in our environment. - A jewelry owned by mother, a lamp used by father in college.. etc -