[[Books Index]] # Chapter 1 - The Meaning of active listening - There are different kinds of listening, according to the intent. For example, lawyers listen differently from a counsellor - Active listening is about understanding the meaning and feelings behind what was spoken - page 3 - It has to be grounded in appreciating the speaker's worth as an individual - ![[Book - Exploring the landscape of the mind#^9ca129]] ## What we achieve by listening - Listening help the person to become more emotionally mature, more open to their experience, less defensive, more democratic, and less authoritarian - P4 - When we listen to others, they learn to listen to themselves (p4) ## How to listen The growth of the individual - We have self image, a view of ourselves, whether it's accurate or not, we may reject reality to hold on to our self-image/ picture of ourselves - p5 - Changing a person's self-picture can be threatening to that person - trigger defense mechanism. - ![[Book - Exploring the landscape of the mind#^9b4b22]] - Remove the sense of threat that I am trying to change that person, and create safe space (warm and nonjudgemental) - ![[Book - Exploring the landscape of the mind#^1b0291]] ## what to avoid - When we try to change the other person, in their way of thinking, it is our need to see the world our way - page 7 - When people express something, usually it's masked the unspoken, too anxious to communicate - p7 - The process of thinking "with" the person, not "for" or "about" them, create space to invite speaker to collaborate - p8 - Passing judgement whether positive/negative makes free expression difficult - same as advice/information can block free expression - p8 - ![[Book - Exploring the landscape of the mind#^9ca129]] - Positive evaluation can set the person up, to not speak of his challenges - p8 > [!Thoughts] > How psychoeducation is not useful, if deeper needs are not attended. i.e understanding why it's valuable for the reader to read that content ## What to do - Get to know his point of view, and most importantly convey to the speaker that we are seeing things from his point of view - p9 ## Listen for total meaning - Both content and feeling. - Process and content ## Respond to feeling - What is he trying to tell me? - What does this mean to him? - How does he see this situation? - p10 ## Note all cues - Body language, cues, tone. ## what we communicate by listening? - Giving attention to another person means, he is important - Listen to understand though you may not agree Listening is contagious, it can change culture - The one who consistently listens with understanding is the one who eventually is the most likely to be listened to - p12 ## Testing for understanding - Restate the point made by the other person before speaking, express the meaning in your own word - p12 ## Problems in active listening **The personal risk** - Need to be sincere, to have interests in the speaker - p15 - If we really see from the person point of view, we might be change, might lose ourself - p15 - ![[Book - Exploring the landscape of the mind#^6e75b4]] **Hostile Expression** - Need to be able to tolerate strongly expressed emotions - p16 - - perhaps that's why people prefer to skirt the surface **Out of place expressions** - When people express real thoughts, it may be against the social norms - This takes vulnerabilities and genuineness - p17 **Accepting positive feelings** - In the workplace context, for example, talking about positive feelings/emotions is uncomfortable. -- you may not want to acknowledge those feelings, but doesn't make them go away - p17 - In other words, unexpressed feelings don't make them go away. Where do these feelings go? **Emotional Damage Signals** - Our emotions are our worse enemies when we try to be listeners. The more we need to attend to our own needs, the less we can attend to others - p18 - [[Burnt Out]] - Related to practitioner attending to self first. We are the tools in this work **Defensiveness** - When trying to convince others, stressing a point, means I am less secure and less able to listen. **Resentment of opposition** - When people disagree with our view **Listening to ourselves** - Listening to my own needs, what kind of situation blocks me from listening? Speak them as clearly as possible rather than repressing them. - - A person's listening ability is limited by his ability to listen to himself. p20 ## Active listening and goals Individual importance** - Place individual above the group, and the group become better functioning, and more secure. If everyone feels attended to, then everyone is better - p22 - If everyone has been attended to, everyone feels safe. - Moral increase, productivity increase, more creative as well - Listening means the person feels worthy and has something to offer, they value their views - p24