The OG of self-help books, the [[Sermons get you closer to your ideal self|secular sermon]] that started it all. Published in 1989, it might not be up-to-date with the latest psychology research (but let's face it, those are not replicable) but it definitely is [[Lindy effect|Lindy]]. And true to its era, it does not shy away from strong moral stances, and at times it reads even a little religious. Personally, I don't mind the slight cringe and the vanilla flavor - I think it's rightfully a classic. I'd prescribe it to anyone who is approaching their thirties. Let me start by the most cringey part: this Kabbalic chart that outlays the seven habits:  You can ignore it for now, as I think the habits themselves are more important than how they're laid out, but we'll come back to the organization of it. Over time, most of these habits have connected so deeply to other things I've read, other principles I've tried to adapt that each one of them have their own article. So below I'll just list them directly, with one quote ### Habit 1: [[Dichotomy of control|Be proactive]]. This is an ode to an internal locus of control. It is is rightfully Habit 1: if you're not proactive, then you don't control your circumstances, things just happen to you and no transformation can happen. Absolute bangers here, from invocation of [[Man's Search for Meaning, Viktor E. Frankl(annotated)|Man's Search for Meaning]] to the following conversation, a version of which I've had many times with my kids and reports: > “I have to do it.” Circumstances or other people are forcing me to do what I do. I’m not free to choose my own actions. That language comes from a basic paradigm of determinism. And the whole spirit of it is the transfer of responsibility. I am not responsible, not able to choose my response. > > One time a student asked me, > “Will you excuse me from class? I have to go on a tennis trip.” > “You have to go, or you choose to go?” I asked. > “I really have to,” he exclaimed. > “What will happen if you don’t?” > “Why, they’ll kick me off the team.” > [...] > "If you don’t participate on the tennis team, you don’t play. That’s natural. But if you don’t come to class, what would be the natural consequence?” > “I guess I’ll miss the learning.” > “That’s right. So you have to weigh that consequence against the other consequence and make a choice. I know if it were me, I’d choose to go on the tennis trip. But never say you have to do anything.” > “I choose to go on the tennis trip,” he meekly replied. > “And miss my class?” I replied in mock disbelief. > > A serious problem with reactive language is that it becomes a self-fulfilling prophecy. People become reinforced in the paradigm that they are determined, and they produce evidence to support the belief. They feel increasingly victimized and out of control, not in charge of their life or their destiny. They blame outside forces—other people, circumstances, even the stars—for their own situation. ### Habit 2: [[Begin from the end]] > Management is doing things right, leadership is doing the right things Talks about being [[In the right forest]] and having a vision for what you want in professional and personal life. ### Habit 3: [[The main thing is to make the main thing the main thing]] Once you've figured out that you can steer the ship that is your life (Habit 1), and you've figured out the destination (Habit 2), then Habit 3 is rowing in the direction of your destination. In a lot of the productivity [[Sermons get you closer to your ideal self|Sermons]] you learn about how to be more efficient, but that doesn't mean you're more [[Efficient vs Effective|effective]]. ### Habit 4: Think win-win This is the first habit of the "public sphere", as in not just private victories but how you can enact change in the world. It's about how to deal with the world with integrity and moral compass. > You’re not going to talk your way out of a problem you behaved yourself into. This one is a little obvious, but it pushes to think of the world as non-zero-sum. It talks about [[Emotional bank accounts]], and it gives proto-negotiating advice, on which full books like [[Never Split the Difference, Chris Voss(annotated)|Never Split the Difference]] have been written. ### Habit 5: [[Do the work to hold an opinion]] This is my personal favorite. Covey phrases it as "first seek to understand, then seek to be understood", but I like Munger's phrasing better. Decades before active listening became all the rage, Covey essentially describes [[Listen to learn vs fix vs win|listening to learn]] ### Habit 6: Synergize This builds off of Habits 4+5 and says that not only the world is non-zero-sum, but also find a way where the whole becomes more than the sum of its parts. Same to Habit 4, I found this a little obvious and it didn't resonate too deeply. Maybe I should read the book again though, it's been more than a decade as I'm writing this :) ### Habit 7: [[Sharpen your saw]] Covey introduces the concept of [[P vs PC|Production vs Production Capacity]] and talks about the need for self-renewal. This is really fundamental, and I recommend reading the linked notes! ### The Triangles Covey organizes it this way: * Private victory + Independence: Habits 1 through 3 * Public victory + Interdependence: Habits 4 through 6 * Overarching habit: Habit 7 The idea being that before you have private victory, and independence, you're still in "Dependent" mode and are not ready for a public victory. ### Summary I think pretty much everyone should read 7 Habits. If you're into self-help, then this is the OG book. Reading self-help without having read 7 Habits is like being into rock without having ever listened to the Beatles. There's so much here And if you're not into self-help, especially if you haven't read any, this book is a great introduction to the genre. Either way, it's a good few hours of [[Sharpen your saw|sharpening your saw]]! #refine #published 2025-02-16