## Overview Begin week in mountains celebrating Memorial Day with brothers family. Rain all weekend and into week traveling back to Raleigh. Taking the time for physical recovery from overtraining (yet again), and cleaning up extraneous files. Professional chaos prompted a full day of reorganization and refinement in all knowledge management spaces. Am finding a [[flow]] between tools despite the increase in [[complexity]]. ## Projects #### Happy Chance Forecast for continued rain has deferred outdoor items on May Punch List to June and moved design tasks to top of queue. This punch list approach for perennially moving projects and management seems to be working better than the outlined linear project model. It seems to respond better to the [[The Field Process Model|field-process]] [[Paradigms|paradigm]]. #### Plant Composition Workbook Drove to the office with the intent to begin outlining a database schema but instead did the following: #### Dolores, Doris, and Doralee Began the process of moving technical [[digital literacy]] notes out of Dolores and into Doris and refactoring relevant information from Doris into Doralee. For the sake of fun, all knowledge management vaults have been given their own unique name. Dolores (it is painful to think) for publishing notes. Doris ([the bounty of the sea](https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Doris_(given_name)), no real connection) for programming and code notes. Doralee (named after Dolly Parton's character in *9 to 5*) for business operations. #### Graphic Design w/ `ggplot` Review preliminary info, installed packages, download data. Went through introduction to see basic code and workflow. Basic project to build template for Site Assessment product. ## Topics #### The Cool Coefficient Coolness ($C$) is a coefficient measured as the ratio between number of tattoos and fucks given, ergo: $\frac{n\ tattoos}{n\ fucks} = C$ And applied to any qualitative measurement of a person. For example, someone with 4 tattoos, and an attachment to the opinions of their mother and father (2 fucks), would attain the formula $\frac{4}{2} = \frac{2}{1}=2$ #saymore #### Business Development Some attractive office space available but outside pragmatic use of current and projected revenue stream. Still, enjoyed the activity of inquiring and investigating its feasibility. Dad and I both agree that my next office move will likely be somewhat off the beaten path of commercial space. #### Housing A dimension of the mechanics of market psychology: Speculation in the material value of private houses and their accompanying land is consolation for the compounding economic injustices observed in modern life. This is especially for the dwindling middle class, whose home is their main financial asset. ## Reflections #### 2025-05-26 **Prompt (if any):** Mercury in Gemini Hearkening back to thoughts from 10 years ago regarding the voices in my head. In hindsight, I was dealing with the aftermath of mild post-traumatic stress induced by the psychological abuse of high school, college ex-girlfriend, and the subsequent toxic work environments I sought out aboard ships as a result of believing that such environments were normal. I responded to these experiences in several ways. First I appealed to an external authority, ie the conditional love trap. I set aside my personal thoughts about matters and followed the explicit and tacit rules I was given. This was the toxic environment survival response and led to a great deal of personal dissatisfaction with life. Second, I began to acknowledge the multitude of thoughts and evaluate them against the external authority, testing the validity of each and sharing them where I thought it would be advantageous. This led to some personal satisfaction while also making me essentially unemployable. Third, I began to find the middle way where there was no thought. The right thing became when all the voices stopped. Fourth, I began to give each voice an identity and an activity. In my analog journal from this period, I settled on 12 distinct personalities with varying roles. I remember giving the petulant child the activity of learning how to count blackjack cards. Once he had mastered that skill we were going to go to the casino and win it big. This plan never worked out. I'd have to look back to see what other characters I invented to manage the various voices. During this period, I also constructed a shell persona, based on a combination of people I had met and liked or respected between roughly ages 22-30. This was my public-facing self, a custom identity formed out of how I perceived both my inward identity and the outward rules governing social success. This plan failed miserably around age 38. My mental life is still cacophonous. And I still maintain a public persona. But the difference between now and then is I understand myself as the space between thoughts than the thoughts themselves, and I maintain this space by allowing others to have their own perceptions of who they believe me to be. #### 2025-05-28 Joint pain has me thinking about partnership, which only has a basis in its [[negatité|absence]]. Recognize that I've not been the greatest partner to myself in the past several weeks, between the need to perform hard physical labor and athletic events, and all the personal obligations that have been lost in between. Its in moments like these that experience my lack of support and the socialized feeling of shame that I'm not able to do everything myself. I am aware this is a false expectation, but [[weeds]] will always grow where the ground is bare. ## Astrology - **2025-05-25:** [[Mercury]]→[[Gemini]], Mercury sextile [[Saturn]] - **2025-05-26:** Mercury sextile [[Neptune]], New [[The Moon|Moon]] Gemini - **2025-05-27:** Mercury trine [[Pluto]] - **2025-05-30:** [[The Sun|Sun]] conjunct Mercury