↑ [[2024-11]] ← [[2024-W47]] ## Overview In Sullivans Island, SC for Thanksgiving holiday. Good balance of taking personal space while attending to time with kids and sharing experiences and thoughts with family. Invigorating the spirit with cold plunges in the sea at sunrise, followed by a hot shower. Catching up with G-ma on Tuesday afternoon, leaving a lot of things on the shore to be pulled away by the tide. Quiet sky aside from [[Mercury retrograde]]. Using the opportunity to fully develop natal [[Astrology|astrology]] notes for publication. ## Projects #### Natal Astrology Starting to see the fruits of working through my placements in terms of connection to various other notes, [[Dream Journal Home|dreams]], and general intrapersonal [[intelligence]]. Revisiting aspects of myself with the benefit of life experience. ## Topics #### Cosmology Adding some topical framing illustrations to the [[sketch_thoughtGarden.excalidraw]]. Wondering if [[Astrology|astrology]] fits instead under [[Cosmology]], since it is a personal framework that organizes my thoughts, [[Mythology]] also probably fits under that umbrella. I like astrology’s current juxtaposition to [[Rationality MOC|rationality]], as it suggests I use both perspectives to form my own ideas. #### Animal Medicine ##### Coopers Hawk Off station 24 beach access along inshore dune ridge, alighting atop mast of an abandoned hobie cat. Sharp eyesight, agility, adaptability. Solitary, self-reliant. Concealed perches. Predator of large, evasive prey. Observation, broad perspective, precise action. Shifting awareness. Foresight. [[Jupiter]]. Freeing [[the Self]] from limiting thoughts and [[Belief|beliefs]]. Seeing [[meaning]] in the ordinary. ##### Sanderling Accompanied by a pair while walking between Charleston Light and water tower. Intertidal, moving along edges, liminal. Invertebrate diet, adapting to environmental changes to efficiently forage for food. Shameless scavenger. Migratory, endures the long distance between Arctic and temperate coasts, up to 6,200mi. Local, short flights close to ground. Fiercely defensive of nest and mates. Flocking, safety and security in [[community]]. ## Reflections #### 2024-11-25 Noticing today how the lack of affection I was shown growing up has led me into dysfunctional and unhealthy relationships. Where I was either attaching myself to someone I was not fully interested in or being drawn into an outright unsafe situation. But I don't know how to give affection to myself or how to ask for it from another in a safe and detached way. The need for it and its proximity as a possibility is interfering with my ability to concentrate on anything else. The lack of information as to whether it is actually a possibility is creating a mental obsession, as if I am just here waiting to hear whether I am worth the attention or not. And I've no one to blame but myself. #### 2024-11-26 Caught between my own neediness and the [[Wisdom]] necessary to attend to the evolving friendship at the office. The general consensus is to cut my losses, and I think I am developing a good strategy to make a graceful exit, but I continue to lack clarity into the situation overall because none of my sources of feedback are grounded in it. I am merely being advised by people who care about me. It seems I need to continue to wait and allow things to unfold, while formulating strategies to respond to various outcomes. She seems to have two worlds (at least). A perfect world with the boyfriend and associated accessories where there is no strife or emotion or conflict, and a real, messy world filled with everything she leans on me for. The question is which world will she choose when the choice forces itself? I am not interested in supporting someone through their own self-deception. #### 2024-11-29 Restless night as mind mulled over the possibilities arising as I reach a point of stability in our friendship. This was affirmed over the course of the week between me verbalizing specific areas of interest and her expression of gratitude for our friendship. There is, of course, more to it, but I am content with that status at the moment, feeling as though the groundwork has been laid for whatever comes next. The attraction I felt in the spring has been attenuated by the repugnance of the situation, my willingness to show up for her where the out-of-town boyfriend is failing, and her willingness to permit that as acceptable. Now I remain in the situation out of curiosity, coupled with a certain amusement at her resistance. I feel released from making any sort of effort towards her, confident that whatever force is at work will continue to clarify the mystery of our attraction. ## Astrology - **2024-11-25:** [[Mercury]] station Rx - **2024-11-26:** [[Venus]] square [[nSaturn]], [[Jupiter]] Rx trine nSaturn, [[The Sun|Sun]] trine [[Mars]]