## Metadata - Author: [[Michael Bungay Stanier]] - Full Title: The Coaching Habit - Topics: [[Coaching (Index)]], [[Management (Index)]] - Category: #books ## Summary * In a nutshell: A little less advice, a little more curiosity. ### How to change a habit * Reason: Make a vow to help people you care about to elevate the new habit. * Identify the trigger: Be short and specific. Location, time, emotional state, other people, immediately preceding action. When x happens, … * Identify the old habit: Instead of … * Define the new behavior: I will … ### The quick start question * “What’s on your mind?” This says, “let’s talk about what matters the most.” * 3P model: A framework for what to focus on in a conversation. * Projects and content of work * People * Patterns of behavior * Cut the intro and ask the question. The only leading sentence should be: “Out of curiosity:” ### The “AWE” question * “And what else?” * or, to wrap up: “Is there anything else?” * Creates more and better options and buys time. * The first answer you get is not the only and rarely the best one. * Don’t provide the answer. Tell less, ask more. * Ask with genuine interest and curiosity. ### The focus question * “What’s the real challenge here for you?” Or “If you had to pick one, which problem is the real challenge here?” * Don’t accept the problem at face value. The real problem to solve is most likely a different one. Don’t get entangled in the first problem put on the table. * Slow down and think deeply. * Adding “for you” makes it more about the person’s development than performance. * Add the AWE question if appropriate. * Reframe “why” questions as “what” questions. The former is slightly accusatory and put people into a defensive mode. ### The foundation question * “What do you want?” * Ask for what you want, knowing that the answer might be no. * Want: I’d like to have this. Surface request. * Need: I have to have this. Root request. * Understand the need to better address the want. * Safety versus risk: we’re biased to assume that a situation is dangerous. * TERA quotient of engagement: * Tribe: Are you on my side? * Expectation: How uncertain is the future? * Rank: Status * Autonomy: Do I get a say? * The Foundation question elevates Rank and Autonomy. ### The lazy question * “How can I help?” * Keeps you curious and away from jumping to conclusions. * When you offer help, you raise your status and lower theirs. ### The strategic question * “If you’re saying yes to this, what are you saying no to?” * Book “play to win” by martin * What is our winning aspiration? * What impact will we have on the world? * How will we win? * What capabilities will we put in place? * What management processes do we need? ### The learning question * “What was most useful for you (about this conversation)?” * Assumes the conversation was useful, makes it about them, gives you feedback * Peak-end rule: finish on a high note * Consider sharing what you found most useful, too