[[2025-05-18 - I swam here|I swam here]] — and now I’m standing in a meadow lined with landmines. It’s **beautiful**. Wildflowers of opportunity, but I don’t know where to step. Every new tool, every new acronym is a tripwire. I’m afraid of picking a flower and pulling a pin. And yet, in the middle of that minefield, there’s a warmth that invites you in. I wrapped up my first week as a security intern, and it felt like a contrast. The social events were awesome. Ice cream, a talking bird, laughter echoing in a space that felt safe. It looked like everything I had fought to reach — and in many ways, it was. **But beauty doesn’t always mean safety.** every step could still blow up in my face in that quiet, paralyzing way only doubt can. In meetings, I understood the high-level view: machine identity and user access. I could trace the shape of the conversation. But beneath that surface, I was lost. The low-level — how the tools fit together, how the systems actually functioned — felt like hidden pressure plates. Every acronym was a potential misstep. Every silence from me felt like a confession: **I shouldn’t be here.** People expect interns to take their time — to absorb, to adjust. But I’ve never been one to wait for expectations to be handed down. I set the bar myself. And I raise it, every time. **I’m Denney.** I hate not understanding. I chew myself up over every gap, every silence, every slide I can’t explain back. I will eat myself alive just to understand, just to catch up. I will let “I don’t know” be the start, not the end. What follows is always, “But I will.” I want to be an asset. I want to be the person who earns their seat in every meeting. ```python if not expected_to_know: Denney.set_bar(high=True) Denney.meet_it() ``` You can argue that this way of thinking isn’t healthy. But I stay hungry. I crave it. I chose cybersecurity for this very reason. This extended weekend, I buried myself in learning. Diving into PKI infrastructure, machine identity, and lifecycle. Building context before going into vendor specifics. One question I was asked: do I know how to develop? I answered, _“Not confidently, not really.”_ But let’s change that — starting today. Let’s revisit coding. Revisit Python and GoLang. Let’s position myself to become a high-value asset starting now. Let’s set the bar higher. Not because I had to. Because I refuse to stand still. **What’s next?** Showing up again tomorrow. And the day after that.