_Prelude: My friend Mike decided to get frozen in time in 2005 and stayed frozen until 2014. His unfreezing has successfully completed and today I’m going to give him a few pieces of advice since he hasn’t been around much lately. Or in the past 9 years._ Mike! So excited to have you, dude. Welcome back, man. You okay? How did the unfreezing go? Looking mighty fresh there. Well, man, sit back and relax for now. There is a whole new world waiting for you out there but I think you need some upfront coaching for it. Well, lucky you got me then. Man, 2005 is a long time ago. It seems like a different world although some of the stuff I’m going to tell you is a natural extension of stuff you already knew in 2005. So, first off, Apple released the iPhone in 2007 and it’s still a big deal. You’ll want to have a mobile phone like yesterday and you’ll want an iPhone (the latest is just dandy.) Your iPhone will have high-speed internet on it. It’s marvelous. And a digital camera inside that’s better than anything you got your hands on back in the day. Take a lot of pictures of yourself. Make them awesome using something called “Instagram.” Oh, and music? Any song is at your fingertips with Spotify. That’s a service that gives you music. Mp3s? So last century, today you just stream. What else? Ah, yes. Google is still huge and if you’ve had a gmail.com email address, you can still use that today. Oh, right, and there is Facebook that just had come out around the time you went to the fridge. Facebook is huge with grown-ups, it’s kind of their internal newsreader where everyone posts pictures of themselves and their children. A lot of our friends now have children. So, you wanna get on Facebook just because and begin by “friending” all those people that you never really cared about and a few that actually are your friend. Oh man, remember cat pictures? Well, time didn’t stand still. Back in 2005 a little site started called “Reddit”. It’s basically the frontpage of the internet giving you an endless stream of new links to click and images to gawk at. There you’ll find hundreds of “memes”, sort of one-panel comic strips that are usually funny . Now, if you like “Reddit”, then you’ll love this thing called “Buzzfeed” which takes cat pictures to the next level. Trust me, it’s better than T.V. ever was. Speaking of which, T.V. is pretty much dead. Remember Netflix? Yeah, they’re now making TV series. It’s all streaming only by the way. All A-List actors are flocking to starring in those Internet-first series. Here are a few ones you must watch if you want to be able to partake in any reasonably inebriated conversation at a bar: “The Wire” will blow your mind. Watch all seasons. “LOST” is amazing for exactly the first season. I remember you like thrillers so you gotta watch “House of Cards” and of course you must get caught up on “Game of Thrones.” What else, what else…? Remember wanting to be a millionaire? Well, that’s outdated. Everyone now wants to be a billionaire. Can you believe it? Watch “The Social Network” and you’ll understand why. And once you’ve seen that, you will also understand why _everyone_ and their mom are starting companies based on the slightest hint of an idea. You’ll meet a lot of people with ideas for an “app.” Oh, yeah, and this just in. Russia is giving Europe shit over Ukraine. You thought the cold war was over? Well, looks like another one is coming. We did catch and kill Osama Bin Laden and also Saddam Hussein who we hung a few years back. Hurricanes and floods in New York City are now normal. Penicillin is losing its edge and the oceans are dying. People still love their steak, fried chicken, their whiskey, cupcakes are huge thing now, everyone can’t eat gluten, most of our friends are either vegetarian or vegan and everyone goes to the gym. Also Yoga is still very popular which is good. Anything else? Oh yeah, women are still beautiful, the morning sun still warm. Winters are still blistering and summers are hot. I’m so stoked to have you back. It’s been a while and I think you’ll find this new world exciting. I as hell do, with all it’s pros and cons. Welcome back, Alexis