It’s been a very stressful 4 weeks. The uncertainty if we get funding and my debt that I haven’t tackled yet are affecting me negatively. The only way is forward. I try to stay on top of my thoughts to not let a depression creep in. That has been working quiet well. With all this stress I have realized a few simple things. First off, my thoughts definitely control my experience of life. In particular, I have been waking up at night with anxiety about me, my future and what I could have or should have done. Just thinking those thoughts in the middle of the night make my body cringe and twist. Isn’t that amazing? Just by thinking about future conflicts and problems (who are not real yet and will unfold as they may happen) turns my body into fight-or-flight mode. That drains my energy that I would rather put towards actually solving the issues at hand. It is relatively simple: Control my thoughts so they do not affect me negatively and instead focus on a goal-oriented and positive outcome. If I can get my body into fight-or-flight mode just by thinking stressful thoughts, then I can get my body into success-mode by thinking about the positive aspects of my situation and how I want it to turn out. Case in point, just a year ago I actively set time aside every day for a while to “imagineer” a productive, happy and successful future where I would work with great people in an interesting space on something related to Venture Capital. Fast forward less than 12 months and I actually am working with amazing people on an exciting and innovative system with a beautiful office space in the financial district of New York. But I forgot to “Imagineer” one thing and this is my great learning. In my mind, I created a world (as it exists now!) where the people I work with are smart, driven and that I can learn a lot from myself. I imagined a world where the problem we’re working on is new, exciting and even a little preposterous. Or, as Paul Graham calls this type of problem “Frighteningly Ambitious Startup Ideas.” Again, the work environment is pristine and there is a sense of ambition and heroism that we have thrived upon. I just forgot about imagineering that this business would be making copious amounts of money to cover my living expenses and allows me to pay off my tax-debt to feel free again. Yup, if we had money coming in right now, enough money to cover my rent, my telephone, my metro card, my food, my tax payments, the occasional night on the town, the occasional trip upstate, 10% to save, I would feel so much better. I did just jump into it. I didn’t think about it much. It was a decision coming straight from my gut. “I have to do this.” And I think it was the right decision to drop pretty much everything (not that there was so much going on a year ago anyways) and go “balls-to-the-wall” forward with VA. I have learned a lot. I am learning something new every day. But as of now, I think we are still missing one of the most important parts of a successful business: A HUNGRY market. Plus, since – as Peter Thiel calls it – we have to go from “Zero to One”, and that means extra resistance sometimes, we are also not attracting that level of confidence from outside investors in a way I think we need to. Right now, to continue working on this company, I need money. I need fuel. Again, just enough to cover the basics of living. But without it, it won’t work and if nothing happens in the coming 10 days, I will have to find a job immediately to deal with my finances properly. Healthcare would be nice to have, too. So, what does this mean for today? First off, as the next step, I will write out my goals for this week. I am not 100% sure yet what they will be but having some type of plan helps even if it changes. Secondly, I will make a list of things that I need to do to reach those goals. Thirdly, I will start working on the first piece moving closer to completion. Here is an un-ordered list of things on my mind to achieve: - Touch base with friends and begin career networking - Refine HM forms and views with validations and visually - Wrap up PRIVATE P3 so that PUBLIC V1 development/configuration can begin coming week - Consolidate my stuff that’s flying around at The Farm - Write daily - Meditate daily - Cook awesome and healthy food