Author:: [[David Deida]] DateFinished:: 5/5/2023 Rating:: 5 Tags:: # The Way of the Superior Man  ## 🚀The Book in 3 Sentences - There are masculine and feminine polar energies with most men having masculine energies and women having feminine. - Over the last few decades the sexual revolution, has pushed more couples to neutralize their energies which David argues hurts not only the sexual passion of the relationship but the individual partners as they don't feel they are living true to themselves. - The way of the superior man is unabashedly masculine, purposeful, direct, confident, living life with deep integrity and humor, and also sensitive, spontaneous, and spiritually alive, totally turned on by the feminine. ### 🎨 Impressions - ohhhhh mannnn! This book has some great insights in the realm of spirituality and in highlighting some of the problems the sexual revolution has caused. Mainly that it's pushing some people to act as they normally wouldn't. It also has some golden nuggets interspersed on how to live a good life. - Other than that, however, I have many problems with this book. First off, it's David wrote it in this very verbose, poetic like style which makes it sound like it's filled with wisdom but in reality it just comes across as duchbaggery considering there are so many simpler ways for him to say some of the things. Secondly, there are no studies cited. EVER. He makes scientific and statistical claims throughout the book with absolutely no basis in research. This makes all of the writing anecdotal. ### 📖Who Should Read It? - Men who feel they have an unabashedly masculine essence and want a feminine female. ### ☘️ How the Book Changed Me - The one thing this book made me realize is how important it is for a woman to feel loved. I agree with David that most of the problems in a relationship that come from women come as a result of not feeling loved enough. # Summary ## INTRODUCTION **This book is a guide for a specific kind of newly evolving man. This man is unabashedly masculine—he is purposeful, confident, and directed, living his chosen way of life with deep integrity and humor—and he is sensitive, spontaneous, and spiritually alive, with a heart-commitment to discovering and living his deepest truth.** David believes each partner has a masculine and feminine sexual essence. If the relationship doesn't have one partner playing each but rather each partner meshing the two in a sort of 50/50, sexual desire, the flair of the relationship, disappears. "If you have a more masculine sexual essence, you would, of course, enjoy staying home and playing with the kids, but deep down, you are driven by a sense of mission. You may not know your mission, but unless you discover this deep purpose and live it fully, your life will feel empty at its core, even if your intimate relationship and family life are full of love. If you have a more feminine sexual essence, your professional life may be incredibly successful, but your core won’t be fulfilled unless love is flowing fully in your family or intimate life." The preface David gives for the book is to "stop waiting, feel everything, love achingly, give impeccably, and let go." He goes further to say the "man knows himself when he becomes self-radiant awareness, consciousness and lit up, awakening as man, blooms in perfect harmony with the immense energy of reality." These couple of sentences remind me strongly of the spiritual path. [[Spirituality is the art of releasing the ego and coming in one with the Universe]]. ## Highlight Identified with money or accomplishments, a man feels weak when he compares himself to others who have more. But when he knows himself to be self-radiant awareness, conscious and lit up, awakening as man, he blooms in perfect harmony with the immense energy of reality. The infinite force of now is his power and his presence. The Way of the Superior Man is to realize your true strength by knowing who you are at depth, right now. You learn to feel into awareness fully, so you know yourself as conscious presence. ([Location 126](https://readwise.io/to_kindle?action=open&asin=B01NA993PI&location=126)) here’s my summation for a new preface: Stop waiting. Feel everything. Love achingly. Give impeccably. Let go. ([Location 157](https://readwise.io/to_kindle?action=open&asin=B01NA993PI&location=157)) ##### INTRODUCTION This book is a guide for a specific kind of newly evolving man. This man is unabashedly masculine—he is purposeful, confident, and directed, living his chosen way of life with deep integrity and humor—and he is sensitive, spontaneous, and spiritually alive, with a heart-commitment to discovering and living his deepest truth. ([Location 162](https://readwise.io/to_kindle?action=open&asin=B01NA993PI&location=162)) Just about anyone can animate either masculine or feminine energy in any particular moment. (Although they still might have a strong preference to do one or the other, which we will get to in a moment.) The bottom line of today’s newly emerging 50/50, or “second stage,” relationship is this: If men and women are clinging to a politically correct sameness even in moments of intimacy, then sexual attraction disappears. I don’t mean just the desire for intercourse, but the juice of the entire relationship begins to dry up. The love may still be strong, the friendship may still be strong, but the sexual polarity fades, unless in moments of intimacy one partner is willing to play the masculine pole and one partner is willing to play the feminine. ([Location 212](https://readwise.io/to_kindle?action=open&asin=B01NA993PI&location=212)) Your sexual essence is your sexual core. If you have a more masculine sexual essence, you would, of course, enjoy staying home and playing with the kids, but deep down, you are driven by a sense of mission. You may not know your mission, but unless you discover this deep purpose and live it fully, your life will feel empty at its core, even if your intimate relationship and family life are full of love. If you have a more feminine sexual essence, your professional life may be incredibly successful, but your core won’t be fulfilled unless love is flowing fully in your family or intimate life. ([Location 233](https://readwise.io/to_kindle?action=open&asin=B01NA993PI&location=233)) ## New highlights added 27-04-2023 at 7:48 AM This book is a guide for a specific kind of newly evolving man. This man is unabashedly masculine—he is purposeful, confident, and directed, living his chosen way of life with deep integrity and humor—and he is sensitive, spontaneous, and spiritually alive, with a heart-commitment to discovering and living his deepest truth. This kind of man is totally turned on by the feminine. He loves to take his woman sexually, to ravish her, but not in some old-style macho fashion. Rather, he wants to ravish her with so much love she is vanished, they both vanish, in the fullness of loving itself. He is dedicated to incarnating love on this earth, through his work and his sexuality, and he does so as a free man, bound neither by outer convention nor inner cowardice. ([Location 162](https://readwise.io/to_kindle?action=open&asin=B01NA993PI&location=162)) Side effects of this trend toward sexual similarity can be seen as a major cause of today’s unhappiness in intimacy. The trend toward 50/50 has resulted in economic and social equality, but also in sexual neutrality. Bank accounts are balancing while passions are fizzling out. Men are less macho while sex and violence continue to increase on TV and in the movies. Women are more in control of their economic destiny while they go in increasing numbers to therapists and doctors to cope with stress-related dis-ease. ([Location 195](https://readwise.io/to_kindle?action=open&asin=B01NA993PI&location=195)) So, as a culture, we have advanced in terms of personal freedom, sexual equality, and social rights, but we have remained spiritually thwarted and afraid. For the sake of individual autonomy and social fairness, with only good intentions in mind, we have erroneously begun to deny, smooth out, and neutralize our masculine and feminine differences. In doing so, people often end up denying their deepest core desires, which are rooted in their true sexual essence. A lot of people today think they have a balanced sexual essence, but in most cases they are actually suppressing the natural desires which spring from their real masculine or feminine core. ([Location 288](https://readwise.io/to_kindle?action=open&asin=B01NA993PI&location=288)) ### PART ONE A Man’s Way ##### 1 STOP HOPING FOR A COMPLETION OF ANYTHING IN LIFE Most men make the error of thinking that one day it will be done. They think, “If I can work enough, then one day I could rest.” Or, “One day my woman will understand something and then she will stop complaining.” Or, “I’m only doing this now so that one day I can do what I really want with my life.” The masculine error is to think that eventually things will be different in some fundamental way. They won’t. It never ends. As long as life continues, the creative challenge is to tussle, play, and make love with the present moment while giving your unique gift. ([Location 325](https://readwise.io/to_kindle?action=open&asin=B01NA993PI&location=325)) 💡Reminds me of journey before destination ##### 2 LIVE WITH AN OPEN HEART EVEN IF IT HURTS Only when the front of your body is relaxed and opened, your breath full and deep, and your gaze unguarded and directly connected with another person’s eyes, can your fullest intelligence manifest spontaneously in the situation. To act as a superior man, a samurai of relationship, you must feel the entire situation with your whole body. A closed body is unable to sense subtle cues and signals, and therefore unable to act with mastery in the situation. ([Location 370](https://readwise.io/to_kindle?action=open&asin=B01NA993PI&location=370)) - Note: “Treat the body rigorously, that it may not be disobedient to the mind.” - Seneca Control your breadth and you control the mind. The superior man is able to control themselves when difficulty arises. They practice courage. Premeditating adversity for when hard times come. ##### 5 ALWAYS HOLD TO YOUR DEEPEST REALIZATION [[The importance of holding to your source when doing anything in life]] This source is never changing and always present. It is the constant, silent tone behind and pervading the music of life. Feel into this source as deeply as possible, and then re-approach your work, intimacy, family, and creative efforts. When you make money, make money from this source. Find out what happens to the details of your life when you live more consistently from this source. Use aids to support your relaxation into, and creation from, this source. Read books that remind you of who you are, in truth. Spend time with people who inspire and reflect the source to you. Meditate, contemplate, or pray daily so that you steep yourself in the source. ([Location 431](https://readwise.io/to_kindle?action=open&asin=B01NA993PI&location=431)) - Note: The aspect of this quote that struck out to me is the difference in going about your day with attention on your source versus going about the motions. You can be doing the exact same thing day to day. Making money for instance. But if you aren’t doing it will tapped into your source it won’t fill you up. It won’t rejuvenate you. It will suck you dry. Life will fly right by without you ever fully attending to it. ##### 7 YOUR PURPOSE MUST COME BEFORE YOUR RELATIONSHIP Your mission is your priority. Unless you know your mission and have aligned your life to it, your core will feel empty. Your presence in the world will be weakened, as will your presence with your intimate partner. The next time you notice yourself “giving in” to your woman, postponing your mission and denying your true purpose in order to spend time with her, stop. Tell your woman that you love her, but you cannot deny your heart’s purpose. Tell her that you will spend thirty minutes (or some specific time) with her in absolute attention and total presence, but then you must return to carry on your mission. ([Location 480](https://readwise.io/to_kindle?action=open&asin=B01NA993PI&location=480)) ##### 9 DO IT FOR LOVE ##### 12 BE WILLING TO CHANGE EVERYTHING IN YOUR LIFE [[Purpose works in layers]]. ##### 14 DON’T GET LOST IN TASKS AND DUTIES You are totally focused, intent on getting a task done. You don’t want to be disturbed. If anyone tries to interrupt you with a question, you ignore them, or give them a quick answer so you can keep on track. ([Location 741](https://readwise.io/to_kindle?action=open&asin=B01NA993PI&location=741)) This “do mode” is one of men’s biggest strengths and weaknesses. It’s great to be able to plow through obstructions and get the job done. And it’s good to keep yourself disciplined and on purpose. But if you forget your larger purpose while pursuing the small and endless tasks of daily life, then you have reduced yourself to a machine of picayune. ([Location 745](https://readwise.io/to_kindle?action=open&asin=B01NA993PI&location=745)) The test of your fullness in every moment is your capacity to die in free and loving surrender, knowing you’ve done everything you could do while alive to give your gift and know the truth of being. Have you loved fully? Or, do you have unexpressed feelings that would taint your last moment with regret? ([Location 751](https://readwise.io/to_kindle?action=open&asin=B01NA993PI&location=751)) ##### 15 STOP HOPING FOR YOUR WOMAN TO GET EASIER So she will test you. She might not be fully conscious of why she is doing it, but she will poke your weak spots, especially in moments of your superficial success, in order to feel your strength. If you collapse, you’ve flunked the test. You have let your woman deflate you. You have demonstrated your dependence on her for external validation. Even if you just made a million dollars, you are a weak man. Your woman cannot trust you fully. If you remain full and strong, humorous and happy, your truth unperturbed by her testing, then you pass the test. ([Location 812](https://readwise.io/to_kindle?action=open&asin=B01NA993PI&location=812)) - Note: Why the hell should you remain full and strong if your woman acts like an absolute bitch? ❗Uh uh stupid ### PART TWO Dealing With Women ## New highlights added 28-04-2023 at 9:15 AM ##### 18 TOLERATING HER LEADS TO RESENTING HER Just remember that any woman you are with, if she has a feminine sexual essence, will cycle through moods of closure every day which seem to have no “reason” to them. ([Location 934](https://readwise.io/to_kindle?action=open&asin=B01NA993PI&location=934)) - Note: This is overly diagnostic of womem ##### 19 DON’T ANALYZE YOUR WOMAN You are under the illusion that when you find out the cause of her affliction, then the cure will easily follow. But it doesn’t work that way; your questioning is probably making her mood worse. The amazing thing is this: 90 percent of a woman’s emotional problems stem from feeling unloved. So don’t stand back and analyze her, like a doctor diagnosing a patient, or like a therapist questioning a client. Give her your love—the same love that is motivating your questioning—immediately and unmistakably. ([Location 957](https://readwise.io/to_kindle?action=open&asin=B01NA993PI&location=957)) ❗If your woman is being a bitch, I don't think it's fair to say the men should give her incredible amounts of love. Sure you shouldn't get angry or hit her or anything, but you shouldn't feel the need to continue giving blissful love in that moment. Like the ocean, the native state of the feminine is to flow with great power and no single direction. The masculine builds canals, dams, and boats to unite with the power of the feminine ocean and go from point A to point B. But the feminine moves in many directions at once. The masculine chooses a single goal and moves in that direction. Like a ship cutting through a vast ocean, the masculine decides on a course and navigates the direction: the feminine energy itself is undirected but immense, like the wind and deep currents of the ocean, ever changing, beautiful, destructive, and the source of life. This same principle applies to problems in intimacy. Any time you try to force your woman to be more like a ship than an ocean, you are negating her feminine energy. Any time you talk to her and expect her to analyze her mood and situation to the point of being able to fix it, you are talking “masculine” with her. She can do it, she might even be better at it than you, but it won’t make her a happy woman. ([Location 1008](https://readwise.io/to_kindle?action=open&asin=B01NA993PI&location=1008)) - Note: God i cant stand the absoluteness of these statememts. i knlw hes talkjng about someome with a feminine energy but i just fim this offensejve flr lots of eomen ##### PART THREE Working With Polarity and Energy ## New highlights added 29-04-2023 at 8:59 AM ##### 23 YOUR ATTRACTION TO THE FEMININE IS INEVITABLE About 80 percent of all men have a more masculine sexual essence. These men, of which you are probably one, are attracted to all things feminine. Not just feminine women, but anything with feminine energy, anything which is radiant, alive, enlivening, relaxing, and moving. ([Location 1127](https://readwise.io/to_kindle?action=open&asin=B01NA993PI&location=1127)) - Note: Where the hell is he getting this number? ❗ ##### 24 CHOOSE A WOMAN WHO IS YOUR COMPLEMENTARY OPPOSITE If a man is very masculine by nature, then he will be attracted to a very feminine woman, who will complement his energy. The more neutral or balanced he is, the more balanced he will prefer his woman. And, if a man is more feminine by nature, his energy will be complemented by the strong direction and purposiveness of a more masculine woman. ([Location 1166](https://readwise.io/to_kindle?action=open&asin=B01NA993PI&location=1166)) Other men, with more neutral sexual essences, prefer women who are also more neutral, neither particularly masculine nor feminine. This kind of couple can talk about anything, and they like talking about everything. They share hobbies, friends, even career goals. Though equally loving, this kind of couple is usually less sexually passionate than highly polarized couples. It would be unusual to hear about this kind of neutral or balanced couple yelling at each other, throwing pillows, wrestling each other down to the floor, and passionately making love right there and then. Through lack of understanding, you might have depolarized yourself and your partner into a relationship that seems neutral, but actually isn’t. ([Location 1190](https://readwise.io/to_kindle?action=open&asin=B01NA993PI&location=1190)) - Note: This is Lauren and I based on what hes describing. However, I still feel hes categorizing things where he has no right to categorize. ## New highlights added 30-04-2023 at 8:02 AM ### PART FOUR What Women Really Want ##### 29 CHOOSE A WOMAN WHO CHOOSES YOU If your friends honestly tell you that this woman doesn’t want to be with you, it is over. You cannot enjoy a good relationship with her, even if she changes her mind. Once she feels your neediness, once she feels that you need her more than she needs you, she will never trust your masculine core. ([Location 1431](https://readwise.io/to_kindle?action=open&asin=B01NA993PI&location=1431)) ## New highlights added 01-05-2023 at 8:34 AM ##### 32 SHE DOESN’T REALLY WANT TO BE NUMBER ONE Imagine that a man must go off to war. He hugs his woman good-bye. She is crying. “Please don’t go,” she begs. “You know that I must,” he answers. They look each other deeply in the eyes. “You know that I love you,” he says to her. “Yes. I know. And I also know you must go,” she replies, and another gush of tears bursts from her heartbroken face. He turns and walks out the door, to his necessary destiny, as his woman, full of pain and pride, watches him disappear. This exaggeratedly dramatic scene captures a profound energetic principle: Although your woman seems to want to be the most important thing in your life, she actually can trust and love you more if she is not. ([Location 1562](https://readwise.io/to_kindle?action=open&asin=B01NA993PI&location=1562)) ### PART FIVE Your Dark Side ### PART SIX Feminine Attractiveness ##### 42 NEVER ALLOW YOUR DESIRE TO BECOME SUPPRESSED OR DEPOLARIZED When a man denies his desire for the feminine, either by choice or due to familiarity, it is a sign of his depolarization even toward the world. He may seek a mistress in order to re-invigorate him, but this is usually only a temporary and complicated solution, since it is only a matter of time before his mistress also becomes familiar, and thus tiresome. Any woman toward whom a man becomes depolarized will feel his rejection, disgust, and turning away. In response, she will become angry and destructive. ([Location 1970](https://readwise.io/to_kindle?action=open&asin=B01NA993PI&location=1970))