Author:: [[Patrick King]] DateFinished:: 10/28/2022 Rating:: 7 Tags:: # The Art of Witty Banter  ## 🚀The Book in 3 Sentences - The ability to banter is a skill that you can build by ingraining mental models of humor into your subconscious so that you develop a instinct for wit in a conversation. - There are generally three ways to show witty remarks: misinterpret their words, agree and amplify, or make an outlandish comparison. - Most humor comes from surprise. ### 🎨 Impressions - A useful book to understand what goes into witty remarks. It's easily actionable and if applied will make your funnier. - But that's it. It's highly anecdotal and not going to profoundly change the way you see the world. Except maybe remind you of how boring most people speak. ### 📖Who Should Read It? - Anyone interested in stepping up their humor game. - Anyone interested in how conversations work. ### ☘️ How the Book Changed Me - I have definitely become more playful in my conversations in comparison to what I was before. I notice I am entering flow a lot more often as I focus more on how I can reply with something witty to what someone says. - I'm more open to going with the flow in a conversation. Beforehand, I planned many conversations out. Now I try and have a rough idea of what I want to say and let the conversation diverge outside of that. # Main Points [[An instinct for wit is built by ingraining humoristic mental models into your subconscious]] [[Conversation can be a mixture of statements, stories, and questions]]. Three ways to be witty with remarks: 1. Misinterpret their words on purpose. "Your slow as a glacier." "Your saying I'm cool under pressure, thanks." This could also include misconstruing what they say on purpose. "I like cats." "You EAT cats!" 2. Agree and amplify. This works especially against passive aggressive or sarcastic jabs. "Your cooking sucked last night." "Your right, I should have used the eggs as hockey pucks." 3. Use an outlandish comparison. "He danced like a gorilla cooking an omelet." Tips for better conversations - Don't speak in absolutes. You want to be easy to talk to. Create boundaries to your questions but give them room to interpret it how they want. Instead of saying "what are your favorite movies," say "what are some of your top movies?" - The beginning of most conversations are quite predictable. Come in with responses prepared beforehand so you can get to the real conversation. - Break the fourth wall. Comment on the conversation itself or a previous part of the conversation in a witty way that shows your fully present. "Man this conversation is getting interesting. I don't know how we got to talking about the history of peanut butter but I'm fine with it." - Use the us versus them tactic in cases where you want to isolate someone in a room to talk to. It works by pointing out something that you share contextually or emotionally with the other person to start a conversation. "Other people have meat and vegetables on their plate but we both only have meat. What's up with that?" This works especially because [[Humans need to feel understood by another human]]. - Have some fallback stories to rely upon if things die down. Hypothetical philosophical questions work especially well during these scenarios. - Don't stay literal. Literal, objective, layman ways of speaking are boring and unsurprising. Use creative language people don't hear often. - Bring a layman response and an expert response to the most common questions you will be asked by someone you just met. Layman response is meant to build intrigue into what you do by saying something interesting. Expert response is meant to provide more detail if the other person shows interest. - Comedic triple. This works by saying three things together with the last being completely different from the first two. You can do this by listing one negative two positives or one positive and two negatives. - Pin the tail on the donkey. After someone has finished their story, finish it off by adding a witty remark. This makes them feel good for their story and lets you add a little of your own personality as well. - Use misdirection. Say one thing and then the exact opposite right after. [[The most common human mental models]] ## Highlights banter is a skill just like pitching a baseball or underwater basket weaving. Once you know the patterns and building blocks, you can practice and improve them. And once you practice enough, they become instinct and habit that come easily to you because they are second nature. ([Location 73](https://readwise.io/to_kindle?action=open&asin=B08FHXMWV4&location=73)) - Note: Much of humor is building mental models you can pull out at the right moment. One of the most common ways to kill any kind of conversational flow, regardless of how interesting the topic might be, is when one of the speakers reduces their questions to absolutes. ([Location 84](https://readwise.io/to_kindle?action=open&asin=B08FHXMWV4&location=84)) A primary rule of thumb for conversation is to make it easy for the other person, which of course makes it easy for you. ([Location 118](https://readwise.io/to_kindle?action=open&asin=B08FHXMWV4&location=118)) Put boundaries around the question and make it non-absolute and people will be able to answer the question far more easily. ([Location 133](https://readwise.io/to_kindle?action=open&asin=B08FHXMWV4&location=133)) A common absolute question might be “What’s your favorite movie?” Transform this question into:   What are your top few movies? What are some good movies you’ve seen recently? Any movies you can recommend? Do you prefer to watch television or movies? ([Location 136](https://readwise.io/to_kindle?action=open&asin=B08FHXMWV4&location=136)) The easiest way to make sure you react appropriately to a story, statement, or question is to take a step back and ask yourself, “What is the primary emotion being shared here?” and then give that back to them! ([Location 228](https://readwise.io/to_kindle?action=open&asin=B08FHXMWV4&location=228)) Here’s a tip: the vast majority of emotions people share and want reciprocal, congruent reactions to are: joy, annoyance, anger, sadness, humor. Note that three out of five are negative. ([Location 236](https://readwise.io/to_kindle?action=open&asin=B08FHXMWV4&location=236)) Conversation is a series of statements, stories, and questions. ([Location 294](https://readwise.io/to_kindle?action=open&asin=B08FHXMWV4&location=294)) Regardless of who and where you meet someone, I can tell you the first ten questions and topics that will likely come up. These first ten questions can set you on a path toward flow, or they can set the tone for stagnancy and boredom. ([Location 384](https://readwise.io/to_kindle?action=open&asin=B08FHXMWV4&location=384)) Usually, it goes like this: How are you? How was your weekend? Where are you from? Where did you go to school? Do you have siblings? What do you do? What did you study? ([Location 386](https://readwise.io/to_kindle?action=open&asin=B08FHXMWV4&location=386)) It's important to enter any conversation with fully prepared answers for these common questions. ([Location 388](https://readwise.io/to_kindle?action=open&asin=B08FHXMWV4&location=388)) The first step is to come up with an interesting answer for the questions you know you’ll be asked. But keep your answer short and simple—a “layman’s” explanation. Your goal is to give information in an interesting and unique way.    For example, when somebody asks, "What do you do?” a dry, boring answer is, “I’m a lawyer.” Instead, your answer should be something short and pithy like, "I file paperwork for a living," or "I’m paid to argue with people." ([Location 394](https://readwise.io/to_kindle?action=open&asin=B08FHXMWV4&location=394)) - Note: When someone asks me what I study I can say I study humans and their interactions with each other and the world or to what do you do for relaxation, I create content to inspire people. Essentially, the layman’s explanation is an introduction, and the expert explanation is a deeper look to reveal more, if you’re prompted to do so. ([Location 417](https://readwise.io/to_kindle?action=open&asin=B08FHXMWV4&location=417)) If your mind goes blank, use a technique called free association to generate a response. These are words that immediately come to mind upon hearing something. ([Location 584](https://readwise.io/to_kindle?action=open&asin=B08FHXMWV4&location=584)) Conversation as a whole is just a series of interrelated responses and stories, so free association is practicing conversation flow. ([Location 586](https://readwise.io/to_kindle?action=open&asin=B08FHXMWV4&location=586)) Breaking the fourth wall is a comment on the conversation itself and is observational. ([Location 632](https://readwise.io/to_kindle?action=open&asin=B08FHXMWV4&location=632)) - Note: I do this sometimes with Chris when I say I’m going on a tangent. Skye does to. First, this technique can be used to point out what both people are thinking but not saying. ([Location 659](https://readwise.io/to_kindle?action=open&asin=B08FHXMWV4&location=659)) Second, you can use the fourth wall conversation tactic to point out your opinion on the conversation or what is happening at the moment. ([Location 665](https://readwise.io/to_kindle?action=open&asin=B08FHXMWV4&location=665)) People like to feel as if they belong. It’s a universal desire. ([Location 672](https://readwise.io/to_kindle?action=open&asin=B08FHXMWV4&location=672)) “Boy, it is really loud in there. Can you believe all these people getting deaf in there?” ([Location 681](https://readwise.io/to_kindle?action=open&asin=B08FHXMWV4&location=681)) You’ve essentially created your own group that contains the two of you—the two of you possess special knowledge, share the same thoughts, are above the rest of the people milling about and damaging their eardrums, and are essentially the only two sane people. ([Location 685](https://readwise.io/to_kindle?action=open&asin=B08FHXMWV4&location=685)) “Us against the world” is an especially helpful tactic when you’re in some way “forced” to stay with an acquaintance or even a complete stranger in certain situations. ([Location 694](https://readwise.io/to_kindle?action=open&asin=B08FHXMWV4&location=694)) noteworthy at the moment to comment on, (2) what you share in common contextually and not personally, and (3) general emotions that you probably share based on the context. ([Location 723](https://readwise.io/to_kindle?action=open&asin=B08FHXMWV4&location=723)) Fallback stories, as I like to call them, can be used as fallbacks (duh) when you run out of things to say. ([Location 759](https://readwise.io/to_kindle?action=open&asin=B08FHXMWV4&location=759)) When you are thinking of what fallback stories to put up your sleeve, interpersonal situations tend to work for that reason. Other prompts that make good fallback stories include asking people what they would do in certain hypothetical situations, and asking for opinions on moral dilemmas (as long as they aren’t dark and depressing). ([Location 825](https://readwise.io/to_kindle?action=open&asin=B08FHXMWV4&location=825)) First, when thinking about a witty comeback, don't think generically. ([Location 1080](https://readwise.io/to_kindle?action=open&asin=B08FHXMWV4&location=1080)) People judge a witty comeback based on how original it is—remember, it’s spontaneous creativity. ([Location 1082](https://readwise.io/to_kindle?action=open&asin=B08FHXMWV4&location=1082)) There are three main types of witty comebacks. ([Location 1114](https://readwise.io/to_kindle?action=open&asin=B08FHXMWV4&location=1114)) Type #1: Pick apart their words.   Think about the other person’s word choice and quickly analyze whether there is another angle or meaning to those words. An easy approach is to interpret their words as overly literal or outlandish. ([Location 1116](https://readwise.io/to_kindle?action=open&asin=B08FHXMWV4&location=1116)) Bob: You are working as slow as a glacier. Pick it up!   You: [focusing on the word glacier] You mean I’m strong and cool under pressure? True. ([Location 1120](https://readwise.io/to_kindle?action=open&asin=B08FHXMWV4&location=1120)) Type #2: Agree and amplify. ([Location 1129](https://readwise.io/to_kindle?action=open&asin=B08FHXMWV4&location=1129)) “That hat makes you look like a girl.” Instead of feeling hurt and handing over the hat like Mr. Krabs would like, SpongeBob batted his eyelashes and said in a sweet voice, “Am I a pretty girl?” ([Location 1131](https://readwise.io/to_kindle?action=open&asin=B08FHXMWV4&location=1131)) Type #3: Use an outlandish comparison. ([Location 1145](https://readwise.io/to_kindle?action=open&asin=B08FHXMWV4&location=1145)) Bob: Your cooking was pretty terrible last time.   You: True, I should have used the eggs as hockey pucks, right? ([Location 1149](https://readwise.io/to_kindle?action=open&asin=B08FHXMWV4&location=1149)) A banter chain is notable because it’s funny not based on what you say by itself, but how you play off the other person. ([Location 1189](https://readwise.io/to_kindle?action=open&asin=B08FHXMWV4&location=1189)) When you say something and another person builds something on top of what you have said, you forge an instant bond. ([Location 1196](https://readwise.io/to_kindle?action=open&asin=B08FHXMWV4&location=1196)) So, how do you do this? You build upon the direct response that they give you. You agree with them, and you add to it by exaggerating and amplifying the sentiment. ([Location 1224](https://readwise.io/to_kindle?action=open&asin=B08FHXMWV4&location=1224)) When you stay literal, you miss opportunities for witty banter all day. People subconsciously initiate jokes with you, and you can initiate jokes with people in the same way. With some practice, you’ll get better at not only recognizing good openings for banter, but creating ones out of seemingly ordinary statements. ([Location 1307](https://readwise.io/to_kindle?action=open&asin=B08FHXMWV4&location=1307)) Generally, the thing being misconstrued is fairly mundane, and the other person is most likely expecting a dry reply to their statement. ([Location 1342](https://readwise.io/to_kindle?action=open&asin=B08FHXMWV4&location=1342)) In other words, playing dumb or confused and taking an entirely different meaning from what someone has said on purpose. ([Location 1348](https://readwise.io/to_kindle?action=open&asin=B08FHXMWV4&location=1348)) The misconstruing tactic requires you to stay in character for a split second while you do it. Strangely and counter-intuitively, this requires people to believe for a split second that you truly mean what you say. ([Location 1352](https://readwise.io/to_kindle?action=open&asin=B08FHXMWV4&location=1352)) Here’s a simplified example of misconstruing: when someone says “I like cats,” you might reply with, “To EAT?” Pair your words with a shocked look on your face and eyes wide open. That’s the character you are trying to convey. ([Location 1358](https://readwise.io/to_kindle?action=open&asin=B08FHXMWV4&location=1358)) What are some ways to misconstrue in a funny way? ([Location 1378](https://readwise.io/to_kindle?action=open&asin=B08FHXMWV4&location=1378)) This is where you misconstrue what someone says and take it to the extreme conclusion. ([Location 1381](https://readwise.io/to_kindle?action=open&asin=B08FHXMWV4&location=1381)) For example, when someone says “I love my television,” you might reply, “So do your parents know that you guys are living together before marriage?” ([Location 1384](https://readwise.io/to_kindle?action=open&asin=B08FHXMWV4&location=1384)) ## New highlights added 28-10-2022 at 8:59 AM Much of what makes remarks funny and witty is the fact that they’re unexpected. However, if you’re constantly spewing them out, things can become predictable, and even annoying because your behavior lends the impression that you’re trying too hard. ([Location 1496](https://readwise.io/to_kindle?action=open&asin=B08FHXMWV4&location=1496)) We use lazy, uninspired language on a daily basis, and part of being funnier is to slowly replace those common terms and phrases with more flavorful ones. ([Location 1507](https://readwise.io/to_kindle?action=open&asin=B08FHXMWV4&location=1507)) Someone who “dances funny” is barely a blip on our screen, but someone who “dances like a gorilla cooking an omelet” catches our attention immediately. ([Location 1530](https://readwise.io/to_kindle?action=open&asin=B08FHXMWV4&location=1530)) How do you master the art of humorous descriptions?   The first step is to attempt to disassociate from the meaning of what you see, and just focus on the elements and traits of what’s in front of you. ([Location 1571](https://readwise.io/to_kindle?action=open&asin=B08FHXMWV4&location=1571)) - Note: Cat Step 2: Cute, cuddly, fierce, 9 lives, furry, soft, small, solitary. Step 2: Demon koalas You're forced to brainstorm what the basic elements are related to, and what they resemble on a physical level. ([Location 1583](https://readwise.io/to_kindle?action=open&asin=B08FHXMWV4&location=1583)) “I celebrated Thanksgiving in an old-fashioned way. I invited everyone in the neighborhood to my house, we had an enormous feast, and then I killed them and took their land.” ([Location 1693](https://readwise.io/to_kindle?action=open&asin=B08FHXMWV4&location=1693)) How do you make the comic triple work for you? ([Location 1704](https://readwise.io/to_kindle?action=open&asin=B08FHXMWV4&location=1704)) - Note: Comic triple reminds me of babies and a blender from Matthew dicks. Step one: think of your topic or theme. ([Location 1705](https://readwise.io/to_kindle?action=open&asin=B08FHXMWV4&location=1705)) Step two: list two positives, or list two negatives. ([Location 1710](https://readwise.io/to_kindle?action=open&asin=B08FHXMWV4&location=1710)) Step three: list one negative, or one positive. ([Location 1716](https://readwise.io/to_kindle?action=open&asin=B08FHXMWV4&location=1716)) Step four: put it all together. ([Location 1721](https://readwise.io/to_kindle?action=open&asin=B08FHXMWV4&location=1721)) Most of us try to be polite to people. We use euphemisms frequently, and we don’t say what we really feel. The first part of a misdirecting statement is what people expect—politeness. Then, you contradict yourself and give them a dose of reality, which sets up a humorous contrast since you have deviated from what most people expect and would say themselves. ([Location 1750](https://readwise.io/to_kindle?action=open&asin=B08FHXMWV4&location=1750)) misdirection is a funny way to express your feelings on something. If you really feel X about a topic, then use misdirection! “Opposite of X, but actually X,” will almost always be received far better than “Gosh, I hate X.” ([Location 1754](https://readwise.io/to_kindle?action=open&asin=B08FHXMWV4&location=1754)) Sarcasm is mostly used as friendly banter with a friend or acquaintance with whom you are comfortable saying something negative. ([Location 1768](https://readwise.io/to_kindle?action=open&asin=B08FHXMWV4&location=1768)) For the most part, sarcasm is saying the opposite of (1) an objective fact, (2) a subjective emotion, or (3) thought.   It makes a contradictory statement about a situation to either emphasize or downplay its effect. ([Location 1787](https://readwise.io/to_kindle?action=open&asin=B08FHXMWV4&location=1787)) Irony is a type of humor that is very close to sarcasm, and often confused with it.   Here’s the official definition from Dictionary.com, just because it’s something that people can struggle with nailing down: “the expression of one’s meaning by using language that normally signifies the opposite, typically for humorous or emphatic effect.” ([Location 1863](https://readwise.io/to_kindle?action=open&asin=B08FHXMWV4&location=1863)) This is different from sarcasm in a few ways. First, irony is generally about situations and incidents, not about people. ([Location 1867](https://readwise.io/to_kindle?action=open&asin=B08FHXMWV4&location=1867)) Ironic humor is when something that is the exact opposite of what you might expect occurs. ([Location 1873](https://readwise.io/to_kindle?action=open&asin=B08FHXMWV4&location=1873)) As a point of distinction, if you observe this, it’s likely to be irony, but if you use it, it’s more likely to sarcasm. ([Location 1894](https://readwise.io/to_kindle?action=open&asin=B08FHXMWV4&location=1894)) A simile is a literary device where you say one thing is like another thing. At least, that’s a normal simile. Some examples include “as smooth as velvet,” “as clean as a whistle,” and “as brave as a lion.” ([Location 1921](https://readwise.io/to_kindle?action=open&asin=B08FHXMWV4&location=1921)) An ironic simile is a comparison between two things that are not similar at all, except for one shared trait or descriptor. ([Location 1924](https://readwise.io/to_kindle?action=open&asin=B08FHXMWV4&location=1924)) “That person is as flexible as a brick.” ([Location 1944](https://readwise.io/to_kindle?action=open&asin=B08FHXMWV4&location=1944)) “She has all the social graces of a steamroller.” ([Location 1952](https://readwise.io/to_kindle?action=open&asin=B08FHXMWV4&location=1952)) Captivating is a pretty strong word, and as such, it’s probably something that we want to strive for in our interactions. ([Location 2013](https://readwise.io/to_kindle?action=open&asin=B08FHXMWV4&location=2013)) - Note: This is how I would like to be described in my interactions. mini-story. It’s answering questions (or spontaneously sharing) briefly using the elements of a story—an action that occurs to a subject with some sort of conclusion. ([Location 2049](https://readwise.io/to_kindle?action=open&asin=B08FHXMWV4&location=2049)) What’s great about mini-stories is you can also create these before a conversation, so you can have compelling anecdotes at hand in response to very common and widespread questions. ([Location 2054](https://readwise.io/to_kindle?action=open&asin=B08FHXMWV4&location=2054)) Your occupation (if you have a job that is unusual or nebulous, make sure you have a layman’s description of your job that people can relate to) Your week Your upcoming weekend Your hometown Your hobbies and so on. ([Location 2060](https://readwise.io/to_kindle?action=open&asin=B08FHXMWV4&location=2060)) Mini-stories also underscore the importance of providing more details, as mentioned in an earlier chapter, and avoiding one-word answers. ([Location 2090](https://readwise.io/to_kindle?action=open&asin=B08FHXMWV4&location=2090)) Details also give people more to connect to, think about, and attach themselves to. With more details, there is a substantially higher likelihood that people will find something funny, interesting, in common, poignant, curious, and worthy of comment in what you have to say. ([Location 2093](https://readwise.io/to_kindle?action=open&asin=B08FHXMWV4&location=2093)) A full story can be mini by nature. That’s why it’s called the 1:1:1 method. ([Location 2118](https://readwise.io/to_kindle?action=open&asin=B08FHXMWV4&location=2118)) - Note: This 1:1:1 method is rubbish. Just cause the ending is the same between a short and long story doesn’t mean the longer story has filler. There’s no emotional build up in a gosh darn two sentence story. I like mini stories as they get the conversation rolling but 1:1:1 storytelling midway through conversation? No. In any conversation, there is a high point. There might be multiple memorable points, but by definition, one part is the best and highest. ([Location 2262](https://readwise.io/to_kindle?action=open&asin=B08FHXMWV4&location=2262)) Most of the time, if you do it correctly, your stories become high points because of the emotional impact and pure intrigue you can use them to create. This makes it easy because you are planting the seed of connection for you to harvest later.   Coincidentally, calling back to this high point later is what a deconstructed inside joke looks like. ([Location 2266](https://readwise.io/to_kindle?action=open&asin=B08FHXMWV4&location=2266)) the best part is that you can keep doing this with the same thing to create an even stronger unique bond (inside joke!). ([Location 2281](https://readwise.io/to_kindle?action=open&asin=B08FHXMWV4&location=2281)) One quick tip to show that you’re involved and even willing to add to the conversation is something I call pinning the tail on the donkey. There is probably a better name for it, but it will suffice for the time being. The donkey is the story from someone else, while the tail is your addition to it. ([Location 2381](https://readwise.io/to_kindle?action=open&asin=B08FHXMWV4&location=2381)) Bob’s story: “I went to the bank and tripped and spilled all my cash, making it rain inadvertently.” Tail: “Did you think you were Scrooge McDuck for a second?” ([Location 2389](https://readwise.io/to_kindle?action=open&asin=B08FHXMWV4&location=2389))