Status:: #🌿 Tags:: #🎓 Links:: [[My Lectures]] ___ # Romantic infatuation Course:: [[HD 3620 Human Bonding]] ## Summary Romantic infatuation occurs when you become completely romantically obsessed with someone else. You feel physiologically aroused, high on life, mentally preoccupied with the person, mood dependent, and more. In this way, [[Romantic love is an addiction|Romantic infatuation is literally an addiction]]. **The two most important things that fuel romantic infatuation are uncertainty and novelty.** Unfortunately, romantic infatuation is usually irrational and seen as such by most cultures. The best cure for it is to get into a relationship with the person. ## Notes **Romantic infatuation occurs when we become completely romantically obsessed with someone else.** The two most important things that fuel romantic infatuation are uncertainty and novelty. ### What are the characteristics of romantic infatuation? According to the literature, those feeling romantic infatuation have a few common characteristic feelings: - Physiological arousal - Acute Onset: the feeling happens suddenly and the person remembers distinctly when it happened - People eat less and sleep less but feel more energetic - Mental preoccupation (You think about your partner all the time, even when you shouldn't be) - Mood dependency (How you feel becomes very dependent on the person you are infatuated with) - Euphoric feelings and acute perceptions of the world depending on their judgements of whether the other person reciprocates their feelings - Idealization (Uplay good characteristics and downplay bad characteristics) - Single targeted ### Romantic Infatuation isn't a new phenomenon? Romantic infatuation has been around for thousands of years being written about by Sapho thousands of years ago. ### Why is it called a symptom? In Ancient Greece, physicians literally called the conglomeration of these symptoms as love sickness. ### What is the cure to romantic infatuation? To get into a relationship with the person you are romantically infatuated with. ### How does attitude for romantic infatuation differ across cultures? Most cultures believe it's not a good idea to marry someone simply because you have romantic infatuation feelings for another. In the U.S. romantic infatuation is associated with happy feelings where as in China and many other places it's seen as a sad feeling. It's sad because you know the likelihood of being able to form a relationship with that person isn't high. ### How long does romantic infatuation last? If two people stay together in a relationship romantic infatuation peeks in the first year and than goes down until it reaches an asymptote and fluctuates up and down for years and years. This is because we become [[Hedonic adaptation|hedonically adapted]] to the person. ### Is romantic infatuation just about sex? Evidence suggests it's most about sex because the amount of sex the couple has is most right at the beginning of the relationship. However, there are three findings that go against this: 1. When asked, people say the ideal state for their infatuation would be if the person they are infatuated for showed they loved the other person as much as they did. 2. Romantic infatuation can happen pre-puberty ### How can we get rid of romantic infatuation in ourselves and others without getting into a relationship? **Eliminate the uncertainty.** You can do this in two ways: 1. Give the other person an indication that you will not get into a relationship with them. This breaks the uncertainty around the relationship. 2. Ask the person you are romantically infatuated with if there is a chance to they will get together with you. This will cure the uncertainty. ### What is a common break up point in romantic relationships? A common break up point in a relationship is the point when romantic infatuation ends usually 18 to 24 months afterward.  ### What are the two biggest factors that determine whether a relationship survives past the common break up point? 1. Intimacy 2. Commitment Intimacy is vulnerability with another person that you feel is accepted. Commitment is your intention to continue seeing someone. **Commitment alone, however, is enough to keep a relationship going.** The difference is that intimacy makes the development of attachment more likely and the quality of relationships more satisfying. ### What three types of commitments are there? 1. I want to be with the other person 2. I should be with the other person 3. I have to be with the other person ### What are some common markers of commitment? 1. Relationship is public 2. Investing/making sacrifices 3. Start using "we" language 4. You identify with the other persons successes and losses 5. Making future plans with