Relationships are one of the most important parts of [[Humans need to feel understood by another human|being human]]. So how do relationships work? What types of relationships can we form and how does attraction play into who we form relationships with? ### Types of relationships The two major types of relationships are communal and exchange relationships. In ==communal== relationships the individuals often feel a special bond for one another and expect their relationships to be long term. In ==exchange== relationships the relationship is exchange based and often short term with individuals feeling little responsibility for each others well being. <!--SR:!2022-09-24,3,250!2022-09-25,4,270--> Personally, I want to treat almost all of my relationships with people as communal. This is because it helps me avoid the tragedies of the experience the benefits of the [[Infinite Prisoners Dilemma]] talked about in [[Game Theory]]. ### How do we value our relationships? There are three major theories on how we value relationships: Social exchange theory, Equity theory, and [[Attachment theory]]. ==Social exchange== theory states humans seek to maximize their individual satisfaction and seeking to do so seek rewards in their interactions with others. ==Equity== theory, however states that people seek fairness in their relationships and don't want the relationship to be too one sided for either individual. ==Attachment== theory states that our early attachments with our parents and other caregivers shape our relationships for the rest of our lives. <!--SR:!2022-09-22,1,230!2022-09-24,3,250!2022-09-24,3,250--> ## What determines who becomes our friend? ### The Proximity Effect We are more likely to make friends with those that are in closer proximity to us. According to studies, the functional distance--the distance we are to someone in terms of architectural layout--matters more than pure physical distance. In addition, we are more likely to like people who are similar to us. ### Exposure Effect According to the [[Exposure effect]] we tend to like things we have been exposed to more. One theory for this is people tend to find it easier to perceive and process cognitively familiar stimuli. This agrees with some of points made in [[Supersizing the Mind]] by Andy Clark. Another theory, however, is that the more time we are exposed to something without negative consequences the more we begin to associate that thing with positivity or neutrality rather than negativity. The exposure effect shows why proximity makes us like people more that are of our ethnicity *and* not of our ethnicity. ### Complementarity Opposite from liking those similar to us is ==[[Complementarity]]== which is the attraction of opposites. However, from the research, it rarely happens. <!--SR:!2022-09-22,1,230--> The most common theory supported by empirical evidence is the status exchange hypothesis which states that romantic partners compliment each other when each is higher status in the areas where the other is lower status. This means getting together allows both partners to enjoy the high status of the other partner where they are lacking. One [[Anthropology|anthropological]] basis for this is that partners who have different waking and bed times will be able to take care of the children at different points throughout the day. ### Physical Attraction ##### We like symmetry There is significant evidence for the idea that we are physically attracted to people with easy to process features. This means people with symmetrical and smooth characteristics. Across the menstrual cycle, women have been shown to find symmetry more attractive when they are at the most fertile stage of the menstrual cycle. This has been done through tons of different study variations. In face attraction studies, people rated composite faces are more attractive than the individual faces that make those composite faces up. ###### What is The Halo Effect? Physically attractive people benefit from ==the [[Halo effect]],== the belief that physically attractive people have a number of other positive attributes outside of their physical attractiveness. <!--SR:!2022-09-25,4,270--> ##### What is the pupil effect? According to the ==pupil effect== we find people with dilated eyes more attracted then those who don't. This is why romantic lighting is thought of as romantic. Peoples eyes dilate more in that type of lighting. <!--SR:!2022-09-22,1,230--> ### How do you increase the healthiness of your romantic love? I would love to know the answer to this question because to this day, I still haven't gone on a single date! Lol. ##### Four things to avoid for best long term relationship success: 1. Criticism 2. Contempt 3. Stonewalling (completely shutting down or refusing to interact with another person) 4. Defensiveness ### Add Playfulness! [[Highly arousing activity done with partners increases love]]. Playfulness is likely to lead to partners to do more arousing activities together like going on a bunjee job together or running after some dogs in the park. The physiological and affective responses from this can be [[Emotion in Social Psychology#Emotionality and Misattribution|misattributed]] as an emotion of love for ones partner. ###### What is the evolutionary argument for why we deem fairness so important in relationships? We needed to be certain as hunter gatherers that we could rely on the people in our tribe when times got tough to share food and help fend of predators like lions. In fact, some researchers even tout the [[Burn#^6ac9dc|sharing of food]] as the main component in our rise to the top of the food chain.